Good will shoes and incense and buddy
I was inspired by an article I read today by one of my favorite comedians.
I’m not that into comedy. I find over the years I preferred Brittish humor or political satire.
My toes was smashed intentionally in 2009 at the next stage theater. I’ve never considered myself mean or an abuser. I’m not sure why I was hated like that to this day but for some kind of bigotry or blind cultist activity or maybe because of twisted jealousy though I don’t understand why. I suspect some people may have said things and other assumes. Wars are started at times out of blind ignorance or dislike. Perhaps I reminded someone of an ex, sibling, or it was my own fault for being socially awkward and so I was the target of abuse for not being friendly when I felt scared and alone. Perhaps it was because of someone I said liked me and they knew his girlfriend. I never cheat. So Again wars have been fought for less. Why can’t people just let people feel good things. I think I was a better person thinking someone really liked me then thinking they wished me dead. I think I was a better person caring and letting them just be free then other people thinking I wanted to do something bad if they did not want me. Its in your head. I’ve never hurt anyone. I’ve never cheated. I ve never stolen anything. Call me the B word all you want. Ishoud be allowed to go to the same part of town a guy I’ve seen three times in five years lives in and be safe and have fun without bigotry or hate. Your manipulations of me have cost me my mental health and any possibility I’ll have a future. What have I DONE to deserve nothing to live for. Seriously? I’m not evil. I’m not hot. But I’m a beautiful girl because I’m a lady and won’t do evil things. 50% of America calls themself single. By those statistics I’m normal.
I also suspect that a certain person is not here anymore. He’s left. If I’m right. I’m not going to be attacked anymore on Twitter. The world is dying and I’m being hacked and abused by someone who’d rather hurt me then spend her last day loving what she has that I don’t.
Well with my toes messed up and my feet thin and bony I don’t like showing them off. These shoes have sat in a box for a year. I don’t wear them. After reading this article I’ve decided it’s time they go. Good buy old friends. Some of these I’ve had for years.
I’ve also decided that one of these needs to go. The red one I’ve used a lot. The white one was a gift. I don’t remember who, but it’s been in my closet not being used. I think its time I put the gift to use.
Last but not least goodbye buddy owner manual. Not sure I’ll ever have a job I’ll love to get another scooter. I’m tired of old men and women telling me I should not ride one I might get hurt. I’m hurting because you won’t let me live. I need to ride the wind. I don’t need you not respecting me as being capable of not hurting myself. As long as people hold onto.me I’ll never be mentally well.
I was happy. I’m tired. I get told I’m beautiful but treated like no one wants to see me acting. Well I need to be known as an actor to feel pretty or attractive or successful or likeable. And I’m not talking red carpets or magazine covers or being a celebrity. I was treated like I knew my job when I background for years. I think people from back east helped destroy my career. Because I never fit in there. Im still the same girl who got good grades but I’m not going to be successful because I don’t want to be. I was happy not being known but working on sets. I don’t care about being famous in the legal world or politics and I’m tired of bullies hounding me. Men you don’t make me feel good to be alive. Women you don’t either. The reason I loved Blake Shields is because he talked to me like I was an actor. I did not care if he did not date me. I still heard it in his voice when I told him I had gotten acting work he wasn’t upset with me about that. I may be angry at him. His play “double bind” a term by the way of parental abuse, has left me feeling used. I’m not doing anything to him a stalker would. I’m just trying to find a way to fix the damage those at Grays Anatomy and the background and scientology did. There are ugly women working as actors. I just wanted to make a living doing what I loved. I have nothing to love now. Nothing. I’d rather have something to think about loving then to physically have things to hold to want to own. The soul I have is hurting. No amount of money, job security, or men or women are going to make me feel whole. I’ve been set up to be in this he’ll where there is no future for me to dream about. I don’t want art if I can’t be an actor on sets. I don’t even watch TV or movies anymore. My computer does not have a working DVD I think intentionally. Fuck you Dad, don’t you dare ever talk to me about watching TV. Kids at my school, and by kids I mean 26 year olds curse more than me. My parents had a TV in every room in there house, but I’m no longer allowed to do anything in that field, why did God let me live if there is nothing for me to love about being here anymore? Why? I’m sorry but I don’t want your American dream. I don’t want to fight to save the planet if I can’t be an actor. And if you don’t want me in public and to disappear then I should just end my life. My saying that is not going to bring anyone to rescue me. For some reason people are scared I’d hurt someone else. How wrong you would be. I mean the smart cops told me because I want to kill myself I can’t go to union events. I’m going to want to hurt myself As long as I can’t.