July to December 2006- AADA
I spent part of my summer working toward a certificate at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. That only took up part of June to July. Here is the rest:
07/02/06 Discover the Way Forward? 12 hours
07/03/06 Nurse House 8 hours
07/07/06 Mystery Woman 12 hours
07/07/06 Just for Laughs 8 hours
I am certain that this was another one of those I finished one job and went to another.
(I worked for some research group for an odd job somewhere this year I also did a database for a website but I think that was last summer for a few weeks on theatres in Los Angeles.)
07/08/06 Grey’s Anatomy 11.8 hours
07/20/06 Vegas Tourist Las Vegas 8 hours
07/21/06 Lawyer Crossing Jordan 8 hours
07/27/06 Mall Patron Cold Case 8 hours
07/28/06 Grey’s Anatomy ? 8 hours
08/01/06 Ocean 13 Fitting 2 hours
08/07/06 Club Goer What About Brian 12.2 hours
08/09/06 Medium 8 hours
08/10/06 Party Guest Studio 60 10.5 hours
08/11/06 Party Guest studio 60 10.0 hours
08/18/06 Parent with car The Unit 8 hours
08/21/06 Gallery Close to Home 8 hours
08/22/06 Street Pedestrian Nine 14.5 hours
08/22/06 Ocean 13 11 hours My pay check says 8/23 but my voucher reads 8/22 and I am thinking i know I was not at two places at the same time.
08/23/06 Set for Life 8 hours
08/24/06 Numbers 8.3 hours
08/25/06 Set for Life 10 hours
08/26/06 Set for Life 8 hours
08/28/06 Ocean 13 11 hours
08/29/06 Ocean 13 11.7 hours ?
08/30/06 Ocean 13 12 hours
08/31/06 Ocean 13 10.8 hours
09/01/06 Ocean 13 12 hours
09/05/06 Ocean 13 12.3 hours
09/06/06 Ocean 13 10.5 hours
09/07/06 Ocean 13 10.8 hours
09/08/06 Ocean 13 11.5 hours
09/11/06 Ocean 13 10.2 hours
09/12/06 Ocean 13 8 hours
09/13/06 Ocean 13 8 hours
09/14/06 Ocean 13 9.3 hours
09/15/06 Ocean 13 10 hours
I got to watch Clooney Play basketball at lunch. early on I saw this basketball and picked it up to shoot it, but a PA told me to put it down, and later I saw Clooney play with it. Oops. I used $14 of the money I made to buy myself a glow in the dark basketball I still have. I had a little crush. I kept telling myself though that I never saw Clooney make a basket so I could beat him as my way of being in denial. I could have talked to him at one point but the PAs told a story of some guy who tried to play basketball with him they decided not to bring back and well I had to pay my rent.
On Ocean 13 a guy there in background decided to have a party for background that would also be a charity event. He asked some people to perform. I used to jam and sing with people in holding and one of the hair people would ask me to sing for him on Ocean 13 while he did my hair. Well I did a sound check and the guy who ran the club even came up and introduced himself. It also turned out that this guy rented an expensive hotel room and it was his birthday. He had these kids who were great performers and I later heard he lost money, but at the same time he never let any of the people who were with Ocean 13 perform. It felt like a hoax. I later asked him for an accounting and he never would give it to me. I later thought I saw this same guy at AADA.
This military guy who worked with me on Carnivale came back around this time and I invited him to this party. He kept talking about how I should go over there and I could get my money paid for school. I had just recovered from a mastectomy and there was no way I would pick up a gun and kill anyone ever. I was an actress and artist and not a killer.
09/18/06 Medium 8 hours
09/19/06 Commercial 13.8 hours
09/20/06 Sleeper Cell 8 hours. OK this day was a farce. This guy I knew who was an unlicensed lawyer who worked on sets told me that the actor I liked was really back on Sleeper cell and well I wanted him to know why I said good bye the way I did the year before and to tell him I had cancer and beat it. Instead I get cast show up, find out that he is not back and they killed him off, find out that they are killing off everyone working that day, and they want to put me on camera. I feel like an idiot. I also did not want the actor to know I was working it because I felt like I was betraying our prior friendship since they killed him off. My time of the month started, though I told the production I was just sick, though considering I found out a few years later I had gluten intolerance that might have also been the issue. I threw up. I had already talked to casting and told them I was not happy I was there at all. Casting told me to work my magic when I told them I did not want to be on camera that day or even there. You could say they knew I was a good actress, however I did not have to act. God worked his magic. I had to go to the store and get stuff afterwards and as a reminder of it I kept the receipt.
I felt betrayed by my crappy friend who later told me that the actor had bought an orange motorcycle. Made me think of the day just a month earlier that I had seen a guy on the WB lot on an orange bike but that one belonged to Brad Pitt. I ended up writing the actor a letter and later he emailed me. I was finally able to get closure from that email. Though the crappy people on sets kept playing there stupid petty games about it and it sucked, especially the one who kept getting into my space. What should have been something beautiful, a guy giving a girl a friendship that helped her fight to be who she wanted to be, was turned into a farce by people in hollywood acting like celebrities are not real people who have friends and relationships and can connect with others they work with. The actor treated me as an equal, another actor, and instead I ended up assaulted and abused by another guy (I’m not calling him an actor) we both knew and when i wanted that abuse to stop and even told the actor in an email about it, I lost my only source of income and was left wondering why God even let me live.
As to the lawyer guy, I think he was jealous or something and even at one point made some comment to be about talking to his friends back in the government and had this weird conversation with me about 100,000 and what he would do with it.
What do people want? Me making 40,000 a year in an office for the rest of my life with no hope or love or even friends. seriously my father told me no one would like me and that the truth would come out. the truth is that I have not wanted a relationship with them for over 2 decades and every time I get to a point i feel safe and I am making friends and I am working and I am loving my life, I feel my father pulls some strings and my entire house falls down. I don’t have love in my life, not from my blood family. they need to let me go, because even if I went back east to work, all I would do is work. I would fight like hell to come back to Los Angeles and to work on sets and act, and not for this actor, but for me. It makes me sick that we still think in terms of women being the weaker sex and needing a man or that we are the property of men. I love acting and I will never give my parents happiness or contentment unless they accept that and the government let me live my life and get work I love. You can’t squeeze money out of a corpse and I have chest pains now and this is killing me. THANKS. I will never use my law degree because I believe in the Constitution and according to my dad I have no rights. We made an agreement. He paid off my private loans if i finished my Masters. I owed him nothing when this mess started, but from my perspective I think he was a part of me being tripped, and I even heard an actor on Eli Stone say that for some reason he was why I was there? People on Gray’s talked about how no one would believe i am a lawyer playing a lawyer. How dare they judge if I can be an actress for the entire industry. I should have the right to keep fighting for my career or the Constitution is a farce and I will not be forced to be a lawyer against my constitutional rights or my own health. If my cancer is back, who ever made the choice when I was a professional and did nothing wrong and continued to work for the casting agent of Sleeper Cell for two years more, then our legal system is a farce and we as individuals truly have no rights and I want my right to do what I want and to fight for why I chose to beat cancer back.
09/21/06 audience Studio 60 8 hours
09/22/06 Party guest Studio 60 13 hours
09/26/06 Ocean 13 14 hours (I cant find my paycheck for this date?
09/27/06 Ocean 13 8.8 hours
09/28/06 Fitting for an Untitled Farrelly Brothers Project? 2 hours
09/29/06 Secretary the Nine 14.0 hours
10/01/06 Commercial 12 hours
10/03/06 Untitled Ferrelly 12.9 hours
10/04/06 Untitled Ferrelly 13.5 hours
10/05/06 Commercial 10.0 hours
10/06/06 FBI Standoff 8 hours
10/09/06 Studio 60 13 hours
10/10/06 Line Dancer Ugly Betty 10.0 hours
10/11/06 Higher based thing for 8 hours
10/12/06 What about Brian 9.1 hours
10/13/06 MRI In case of Emergency 8 hours
10/14/06 Shadow Boxing 2 Extra/Car/MP- later stand in. 8 hours
10/15/06 Shadow Boxing 2 Stand in 12 hours
10/16/06 Shadow Boxing 2 Stand in 12 hours This show was allot of day into early morning shoots.
10/17/06 Shadow Boxing 2 Stand in 10.2? hours
10/18/06 Ocean 13 8 hours
10/18/06 Shadow Boxing 2 Stand in 12 hours Guess what I worked ALL NIGHT.
(Believe it or not this was another day I spent the early morning on Ocean 13 and they let me and the afternoon I was a stand in. (The casting people for these gigs knew each other though so I dont know if they planned this ahead of time.)
10/20/06 CSI NY 8 hours
10/22/06 Shadow Boxing 2 Stand in 13 hours
10/23/06 Shadow Boxing 2 Stand in 8.5 hours
I fought with the production because when I got my last check it said I was an extra when I only worked as an extra one day, so I requested them to fix it and send me a new check with my right designation. They did and understood my position. I am not difficult, but if you were a director and your check said you were a stunt man wouldn’t you want it corrected to be factually accurate for your records. This was the job I had where there was a young guy who looked like Clooney. I want to keep people out of trouble. years later I found out he worked on plays with a girl who bullied me from Eli Stone and it makes me wonder. He told me he was from Massachusetts but later I ran into him and he was hanging out with a girl and they were speaking Italian. It was strange. I was getting sick and it was before I found out I had Gluten intolerance and this one girl kept talking to me about places I could go if I lost my insurance, but i had insurance for medical care? Things like that make me feel like people pull strings and that others don’t care to warn others or to even be honest about it. Kind of like the man being bullied in the open and beat up and no one calls 911. Makes me kind of ill. If you are not willing to step in and help me, why do you think I would practice law and make my self miserable for you. This was after the whole Eli Stone mess and I think even after I was tripped.
10/24/06 Shadow Boxing 2 Stand in 12.25 hours
10/25/06 Shadow Boxing 2 Stand in 12.25 hours
10/26/06 Shadow Boxing 2 Stand in 13.25 hours
10/27/06 Shadow Boxing 2 Stand in 4.5 hours
10/28/06 Shadow Boxing 2 Stand in 11.25 hours
Another weird thing. I worked this up to the point that they wanted me to work on LAX and they were paying me like $75 for 8. I was making good money. But then they did not use me for LAX and to this day I wonder if something was up with that because I passed a background check to work for the Census. I will not work unless it gives me a reason to love life. I have felt for the past two years as if big brother were watching and yet i have told the government what i was doing. I cant even declare that i want to do digital media and I am not done my studies and I plan to retire from the legal profession. This is killing me. You can not make anyone just make money. If some client were lying to me I would say screw my law license I would turn them in. Working for a Russian film is not going to make me turn against the US. Not being able to be an actress or having professional actors in my life, that will make me hate life and shut down. And I am not into going after men, especially younger ones. I date men who ask me out. I always have. I add that because I feel like we are so not grown up yet. I answer to the higher power that made all of us regardless of where we were born or what culture we grew up in and I can not go along with anything that would hurt the planet or its life.
And another thing. I had started going to school last summer when I had cancer not knowing it would help me financially. I am told I was managing my debt, but in reality I was fighting to find a way to make money in a smart way with less stress and where i could be on sets still and have more then one source of income. I never want to find myself in a nine to five job strapped to a desk again. I like to be around people and on sets too much for that. My father went balistic. My loans were deffered and he was screaming at me on the phone and I had not had my mastectomy yet. I dont know what is wrong with him. He is stuck in the 1950s and thinks my life is supposed to be in a cubicle or wants me to go work for the government like he did when I hated the fact that he would take out all his anger at his job on me as a kid. I told him if he did not stop and let me live my life I would not have the surgery and unless I can walk on sets again I regret I chose to live. I even apploed to Carnegie Mellon for Arts Management and because they told me I did not have enough art, they switched me into Pulbic Affairs (Government). I told them even though they were going to give ma a half scholarhip no way. I had an interview with Yale for Theater Managment, not government management. I want to thank who ever was pulling strings for my dad for coninuing his obsession with making his kids pursue his own dreams instead of letting us be who we are and living our lives. I am a full grown adult so because my father is with the government I dont have the right to change careers. I will not have an easy life in an office becasue I would hate it and every one I was working with. I found where I am supposed to be. I found out who I am. And unless I am making tons of money I am not a celebrity and unless I am cast in some big TV show and My face is on People so this is my private story so pay me for it if you are going to use it. GOT IT.
My parents accused me of committing fraud because I was not using my educaton. How many producers, film makers and actors are lawyers? I do not want to be agent. I will not watch other people do what I love while I am helping them make money. I would hate myself and life and I have chest pains now and it is killing me not being able to be on sets and act. I am retiring from the legal profession. I am taking that option off the table. If my father, actors from Virginia, and his NRA buddies who stalk me want to say I am insane, I think it is wrong to accuse someone of a crime they did not commit. My father told me I dont have rights since I dont have a job. I had a job for years and was almost independant of my father. He paid my private loans and I told him that I would pay the rest but only if I was allowed to stay on sets and continue with acting in my life or I would want to be dead. My father told me I was living in a walter middy world. Well he has not been in my life since I was 18, yet I have felt as though he has used his job with the government to maipulate my life. I can not love men like my dad. I can’t. I never will. I do not like guns. I do not like violence. And I have spent the last two years having nightmares while an actor who assautled me is still working and working with actors from Eli Stone. My father has told me he could not help me because he did not know where I was and for all I know he had me tripped so I would be dependent on him. He is that sick to me.
And if according to my parents no one liked me why did I work this much and what makes me sick is recently my motehr told me how much my father has provided for us. I dont want him providing for me. I take as little as possible and I am starving myself to keep my home here. It makes me sick that Disney, ABC and my own government may be helping my father perpetuate his inadequacies by making me need him still and not allowing me to prove him wrong- that I am capable of doing what I want without his approval as a full grown adult. I feel as though I live in a third world country now and I did not have a trial and did nothing but work 15 hour days while taking two classes a semester to train to do something on my own and I was capable of that but no- my daddy gets to lie about me and I end up feeling as though I have been raped, violated and abused and I will not feel safe again until the man who told me I was on a list tells me why and who and Central tells me why I had the only reason I chose to live stripped from me by the lies of background or as they told me they were forcedtolet me go because of their client. The way my father acted after, he made me think he was responsible or at least happy about it.
My parents have told me no one likes me. they dont want me having friends. They are controlling and manipulative and lie. they are not healthy for me and I will never be a lawyer. It is a waste of my time and energy to demand I be one because my father says so. I could have moved into writing and acting or I have found I am gifted at editing too or will be if I focus but these games have to stop because I was sworn to uphold the constitution and therefore I will not quit striving to act and I can not be someone’s lawyer if I have conflicts and I will not be a mediator because I dont have the talent for it. Leave me alone to be who I am and I’d make money. Put me on lists so I cant do the things I love or work where people really did like me, and you are committing a violation of my rights and person. I am a professional and I want to only work with professionals. Not bullies on Gray’s Anatomy who lie.
I have had men stalk me on line who I know are NRA types and after I tell them to leave me alone they continue to email me until I tell them that if I file a restraining order against them they will lose access to their use of firearms. These are individuals who worked on set and who worked on Disney sets with me. My life is in the arts and acting and always has been. How dare anyone pre-judge my actions or strip me of my ability to make a living because of an obsession my father has with making me a lawyer or because of what was done to me fraudulently by Gray’s Anatomy. I have skills in the industry and I have been told even by an AD I volunteered to PA with that if I wanted to work I should be able to because I am capable on a set and what is the difference if I am making 40,000 around the industry and non-profits or 40,000 as a law clerk. As sick I have been there is no way I would ever be capable of being a practicing lawyer making more than that and I would have a better shot of writing scripts and working in production and making more since according to some statistics the United States our number one expoert will be in its communication/ entertainment sector. My father told me at one point that my life on acting was over. My father told me how can I be an actress if I can not be on sets. I am not free because I am what- his property until I find a man he approves of. that is wrong. Why would i want to fight for this country if my father can abuse me for decades and manupulate my life and other people in the United States can allow it because they still think that “father knows best.” I told my father I would not have the surgery to save my life if he did not leave me alone. I told him I would rather be dead than give up working in the industry and he said go do it. If you are reading this and you are related to me, STOP. I am tired of being stalked and abused by you. I love my home in Los Angeles. I don’t care if you dont want me here. There are people in my life here who see me as an actress and people in my life who know that I have talent and appreciate me for it and I need them more than i will ever need your abuse or your need to make me be a house slave to a man or the property of someone I can’t love so my father is happy. This is not his life. It is not the governments. It is mine.
I had my dreams of running taken by a car accident in 1997. Id run for a part because I love acting, but I will not subject myself to the point where I would destroy my knees as a slave to my father’s dream. I lost my breasts. I have no hope that I will find my other half because I feel as though I am not allowed to associate with people I chose unless my father approves and I would make any man who would want to date me sign an agreement whereby my father is not allowed near us without him paying me allot of cash. And I will not date anyone unless I know I will be safe from my father forever.
I want to work and work hard to act. I will not accept anymore games and I will not be convinced I dont like acting or love just making money unless the work leads to no stress and health and a mental balance where I am doing things I love to do and dont tell me that people dont always get to do what they love. I have nothing to live for but the people in my life I want to work with who are friends who are artists and actors. Be an American- leave me alone and let me live my life because you have no right to dictate it or control it or tell me what to fight for.
10/31/06 White Coller DC communter Criminal Minds 12 hours
11/01/06 Politician Criminal Minds 11.8 hours
11/03/06 Patron Close to Home 8 hours
11/05/06 Side Order of Life 8 hours
11/06/06 Grey’s Anatomy 12.6 hours
11/07/06 Comebacks 9.5 hours
11/08/06 Comebacks 9.8 hours
11/09/06 Comebacks 10.5 hours
11/10/06 Studio 60 11.5 hours
11/13/06 Neighbor Desperate Housewives 8 hours
11/14/06 Patient The Loop 11.5 hours
11/16/06 Detective Close to Home 13.0 hours
11/17/06 Patron Cold Case 8 hours
11/18/06 Grey’s Anatomy 13.9 hours
11/21/06 Parent I now Pronounce you Man & Wife 9.5 hours
11/22/06 Charlie Wilson War fitting
(This production later picked me to be in a scene with Julia Roberts, but I was stuck at studio 60 and they would not let me go. So I stayed and they did not use me and it was kind of sucky. I should not have said anthing because they may have cut me and at the same time I was already SAG eligible so I could not take it, but it would have put me on a payment plan and I could have joined SAG but I did not know that.)
11/27/06 Office Worker Shark 8.2 hours
11/28/06 Comebacks 11 hours
11/29/06 Comebacks 10.9 hours
11/30/06 Comebacks 12.4 hours
12/01/06 Comebacks 12.2 hours
12/02/06 Comebacks 14.4 hours
12/04/06 Charlie Wilson War 11.2 hours
12/05/06 Charlie Wilson War 8 hours
12/6/06 Charlie Wilson war 2 hours fitting (Weird I was fitted twice but I dont remember.)
12/07/06 Las Vegas 8.5 hours
12/08/06 Party Guest Studio 60 12.5 hours
12/09/06 Science Fiction? 13.3 hours
12/11/06 Party Guest Studio 60 14.3 hours
12/12/06 Party Guest Studio 60 10.5 hours
12/13/06 Party Guest Studio 60 13.7 hours
12/14/06 CSI NY 8 hours
12/15/06 Grey’s Anatomy 10 hours
12/18/06 Commercial or indie?
12/19/06 Ocean 13 10 hours
12/21/06 The Game 8 hours
12/22/06 CBS THE GAME 8 hours