I am still alive and I am not giving up!
I am an adult. That means you do not have the right to tell me what my values are and what I believe in. You do not have the right to control my future, but it seems I may be wrong. I do not have rights. I am required to plan my future to make my father and family happy. Well i do not want my parents at my wedding or funeral. I do not want them to be in my life if I had a kid. I wanted to be free of their cruelty and abuse.
It is abuse. I am tired of my father saying he knows me but his actions tell me he does not care. He does not care that he has done things to hurt me even if it is to agree with people who slandered me. I have felt like my life has been policed. As if I have no right to decide who I marry or date. I want someone I think is spectacular and I will not settle for less. I want someone I feel safe to be myself with. I am sick of other people thinking they can push me to be with someone they want me with like some stupid reality TV show. I am sick of being punished for guys who pursued me.
I am not the kind of woman driven by desire. I am driven to do what I think is right. I am driven by a cause. My cause was the arts, including acting and film and TV. WHY? Because I needed to have a VOICE. I needed to express it. And I am sick of men and women trying to tell me my voice does not matter. I am nothing. I am nobody. I am an educated woman being treated like an idiot.
I am NOT GAY. I just will not walk behind an ALPHA MAN.
And I am sick and it is not good for my health to make me move somewhere that I have to relearn what to eat. I can not get healthy and well, being forced to eat meat or go to church. My disease is incurable. I am afraid I may have cancer again too. this time in my uterus and ovaries. I wanted LOVE and not this denial of who I am as a person. THAT IS NOT LOVE. THAT IS EVIL. What I really love are the people who have said God is finally looking out for me? really? To make sure I make less then men and that my father makes sure I am with a weak man who can not stand up to him. I need to be forced to go back east to a rich guy who makes me feel like property and who makes me make him dinner but then does not care if I sit and wait for him to show up for hours. Or better some guy who I find unattractive who is lazy, does not eat right and will not conform to my diet so I get sick and diarrhea all the time until I die in pain at 64. All because of an 18 year old boy who in 2003 came after me. NICE.
If any of you misogynists want me to become a teacher, then these are my rules in my classroom. All boys get Fs unless the prove to me they are feminists. And ALL GIRLS will not get good grades unless they are attractive since you bastards seem to want to tell me I CAN NOT BE SPECIAL IF I DO NOT TURN YOU On. How is that? how do you like reading that?
The only way my father will be happy if I am in bible study class with my mother and living in some tiny town with no Shakespeare or culture and being forced to watch stupid John Wayne or Clint EASTWOOD FILms with a man with an NRA card who demands I bring him a beer and will not let me talk against him or express my opinions. I want a man who is a better person than my FATHER. I want a man who gives a crap about how I FEEL you neanderthal MORONS. I do not want to be back east in a suit and tie. I am sorry but I do have the decorum for sets. People wear nice jeans and shirts to work. I am not going to spend money on dry cleaning or on outfits that will give me YEAST INFECTIONS because my body CAN NOT BREATH.
I am not going to go to church. I will never love a man who thinks that SCIENCE is not valid. And I want to be a working actor and film maker and will never teach until I have won awards at either. I am not going to be teacher because WILL WALLACE and MY FATHER and THE GOP members of SAG AFTRA want me to understand my father says I can not be on sets anymore and you say I can’t because of my behavior. I won’t change my behavior to be in the real world. I DON’T CARE. Being on sets meant everything to me. I did not cause an accident on a set. I wanted a future as a working actor. I DO NOT DREAM OF LIVING ANYWHERE ELSE BUT WHERE I CAN BE HEALTHY and be on sets. I will never shut up if a guy trys to tell me he wants to date me when he is married or if a guy wants to grab me. That attitude you call a “PROBLEM” is called having respect for my own body and wanting to be treated with respect. I will not put up with gross actions by men who do not respect a woman’s boundaries. And I am really tired of the immaturity. I am not a child. But I am governed by my emotions. And if you can not accept that then sorry but I am not changing. because my emotions are why i can act and my emotions are why I have a CONSCIOUS and people doing this to me DO NOT. ABC, DISNEY, SHONDA LAND, you were WRONG. SAG AFTRA I could have been a Meryl Streep type, OK maybe not as good, but you judged me inappropriately and I am tired of being blacklisted by you.
this is my life LILI BORDAN, CERRIE BETHAN, CARRIE FINKELEA, WILL WALLACE, CARRASCO, DREW, MIA EDEN (MARIA TVARDY), Unlike some of you i do not make acting into selling SEX. And BLAKE SHIELDS your a liar and dishonest if you do not step up and say I DO NOT DESERVE THIS. I will not go be with my narcissistic parents. I need to be with people who care about how i feel even if I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES.
And CHRIS LILY. You jerk. You gave me my lines as I was walking to makeup. I had no idea what was going on in the scene and if you did show that footage from the shoot “Just Us GUYS” with mostly ABC crew. I am so angry with you and the FLASH MOB people. I needed to get away from narcissistic people. And as to my not having a DAY JOB, I wanted to freelance as an editor. I used my money on sets to buy software. I build my own sites. I do not hire anyone to work for me. I work for me. And I even got a business license. But you bastards decided to go along with the lets make LAURA look like she deserves to be bullied for being lazy. You do not have an much education as I have by being lazy.