I had a plan
My father back in 2009 kept telling me I needed to talk to him and make a plan. I had a plan and it did not involve planning my life with him. I am more educated than my father. We both have economic degrees, but I believe in the economic view of Robert Reich and my father thinks that Ronald Reagan is the best President America has ever had. I liked Jimmie Carter and my father hated him.
I loved California. I loved being on sets. In 2005 when I had cancer I chose to live because I was so happy acting and being on sets. But I look back and there are two things I regret. One going to law school and two deciding to beat Cancer.
I am sick of people wanting me to believe in GOD when GOD gave me cancer when I was so happy I loved life and I loved what I was doing. Since beating cancer people have taken away every reason I wanted to love life and life for your cunning conniving greedy misogynist GOD.
I do not want to get married to a man who wants me to slave for him. I do not want to hang with my mother who was not smart enough to help me with my homework growing up. I do not want to listen to her go on and on about how much she loves GOD while angry that I was recognized for being intelligent and despising my achievements as an educated woman. I do not want to be making dinner for my father while my mother and I hang out doing mending and cooking and cleaning together like we are living in a sick version of Little House on the PRAIRIE. I live in 2018 and my parents are stuck on a farm somewhere in the past.
I have a law degree. I did not get an education to be with a man who is looking for a house wife. I did not get a THEATER DEGREE and a Masters in Performing Arts Management because I want to date law enforcement officers or some jug head who served in the military. I am sick and tired of delusional people thinking I have the IQ of a high school nerd, which by the way nerds are the smart kids who grow up to make millions and you act like I am the kid who smelt glue in kindergarten.
I wanted to work on sets to have an acting career. I want to do acting. OH WAIT I do not look like a bay watch model so to the women of CALIFORNIA I do not deserve to be with SAG AFTRA because I was not genetically born to be a walking sex object. DO you have any idea how perverted I think that is? Acting is not about selling sex. Not all actors are sex objects.
Yesterday I had a professional wrestler follow me from New York who is in SAG AFTRA and I thought, a guy who can bang people’s head together is perfectly fine with the UNION but a girl with a law degree is not cultured enough?
I am not interested in men with low IQs or men who think they have HIGH IQs because of the amount of money they have, yet have the emotional maturity of children, not caring about how their actions affect the planet or other people. You see I do not care about living because you wanted my acting career to be over. You killed me by killing my career. I have no intention of planning a future if I can not be beautiful again and working on a set. I will never love myself again. If I can not be my best self again doing what I love and having respect as an actor, I am not going to be anyone’s wife.
I am a loser to you right FATHER. I hate you. I am not good enough to work in the number one export of AMERICA and you want me degraded and bullied to being your wife’s bible study companion. FUCK YOU. This is 2018 and you live in the 1950s when parents had kids to take care of them and work on the farm. I do not live on a farm and I DO NOT WANT TO.
No one in California should have been listening to my parents. NO ONE SHOULD BE TRYING TO MAKE ME LOVE THEM. Because I would rather be dead than to make them happy. THEY WANT ME TO GIVE UP ACTING TO MAKE ME LOVE THEM. I wil hate them for the rest of my life.
To the POLICE OF LOS ANGELES. I AM NOT GOING TO BE OK. I am not never going to like people not into acting. I am never going to have friends or work I love or a home because by cutting me off from actors you took away my home. YOU TOOK AWAY THE ONE THING i LOVE ABOUT LIFE. YOU TOOK AWAY WHY I CARED ABOUT MAKING MONEY AND WHY I LOVED MYSELF AND THE WORLD. You took away my friends. STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME GROW UP TO BE THE PERSON MY FATHER WANTS ME TO BE BECAUSE BECAUSE THat is never going o happen. the only industry i love is Acting. THE ONLY AREA OF LAW I LIKE IS ENTERTAINMENT LAW BUT IF YOU MAKE ME WORK WITH LAWYERS I WILL KILL MYSELF. THAT IS THE TRUTH. i HAVE NO MONEY SO DO NOT PUT ME IN AN INSTITUTION BECAUSE IT IS FUCKING NOT GOING TO MAKE ME GROW UP TO BE BORED AND MISERABLE. i AM TALENTED. WHAT I KNOW IS THE CRAFT.
As to crew people i do not want to date any of you. it is horrible to me that women have to date directors and producers to work as actors. You want us to be whores for you. You are why women are being raped in this country. I want to act without being your tool for your male ego.
My father wants one of his big fat CHRISTIAN NRA FRIENDS FUCKING ME, raping me. My mother told me that I would have to give up what I love when I WAS TRIPPED on a set in 2008. She acted like she was a part of having me tripped on the set and the ASSISTANT DIRECTOR went to the University of MARYLAND. I would rather have died that day than ever be friends with my mother. I would rather be dead than to call my mother’s husband DADDY. I hate my mother for wanting me to act like a dutiful little daughter instead of letting me stand up for myself and putting up with my father treating me like crap my entire childhood.
My mother told me it was my fault that JEREMY GILBREATHE MOLESTED ME. I will NEVER FORGIVE HER FOR THAT.
If you are a GOP REPUBLICAN and want to rape me I will remove your testicles from your body with my bare hands. If you are a man trying to make me do what my father wants and give up acting I will masturbate in front of you while watching TV and scream I get turned on by acting not your sorry ass and I am not doing anything for you. I am not going to do your house work or take care of your kids. I am not here to be your slave. I am not here to be forced to be your prostitute for GOD. If you own a gun I will kill myself with it just so you can never force me to have sex with you. ANd I am not interested in working for you if you are a lawyer ever. I want to die. Because this is HELL TO ME.
Jason GEORGE stop sending BLACK MEN FROM VIRGINIA to tell me that the UNION wants IVY LEAGUE because I was PHI BETA KAPPA. And more educated than anyone else in my family. I have a theater degree and a law degree and a masters in performing ARTS. But to you I was an extra. To you I was a girl who you thought did what? Fuck a 17 year old. That is a lie. Crazy because I did not go to law school. I am 100000 in debt from law school. I did not go to temple and I do not go to church so I can not be an actor? The only reason I want to live is to be a working actor. If you think I am not good enough than you are telling me I should kill myself. You are telling me I will be bullied and spit on for the rest of my life by elitist jerks like you. And you are telling me I should have died of cancer in 2005. You are UGLY TO ME for every insinuating any woman is too ugly to be seen or to be on tape.
I am not good enough to be SAG AFTRA than i want to die. I do not want to be a slave to a man and spend my days under his ownership and control.
I am miserable because I can not do what I love. I am miserable because you needed to stop me being happy and feeling good about myself.
If I can not be seen as an actor I will never ever love anyone and I can’t love myself knowing you are treating me like a dork in school you bullied.
I would want to kick the therapist in the groin who tried to convince me I can not be in front of a camera acting because I am too ugly old or not likable or talented. A therapist is not going to fix me because if they tried I would want to kill them. If a fucking therapist tried to tell me I am not good enough for sag aftra I would take my life. FUCK YOU JASON GEORGE YOUR GOD AND MY PARENTS.