Why I left the Church at 18
When I was in high school I took an AP American History class. That class taught me that the founding fathers were deists. They believed that God was a clock maker and did not really get involved in our day to day lives. That was part of me becoming rational in my thoughts and beliefs, but it was also my parents church. I lived in Lutherville Maryland, and my parents belonged to a large all white Methodist church in Timonium. However, not many of the people my age at that church attended my school. I suspect they may have gone to private schools or rival schools. I went to public schools in the area.
I did not like going to church. I especially did not like the long sermons. The uncomfortable wooden pews. The overly religious music. Actually singing was the only thing I liked to do at church. I also felt like my parents church was all about money and appearance and not about doing good. My father had to bribe me to take communion at 16. He also threatened me. I never though felt like I either belonged with my parents religious community or felt like they reflected what I believed. I never saw the church do anything to help others in need. I remember they collected money for a new organ and for fancy new pillows. I should add that the son of the pastor of the church one winter took a hat I was wearing and swiped it off my head and threw it into a tree. I never got that hat back. I never had a high opinion of the goodness of my parents church and that added to my dislike.
I did acts of service but at school. My mother’s family was poor, well some of them. My mother has a niece married to a judge who raises Clydesdale horses. When I got into college I refused money from the Methodist church. My grandfather used to let me sneak out of his church to read books during the sermon.
Singing in the choir was the one activity I liked. My choir instructor was a professionally trained singer and lived on a horse farm where she bordered horses. She gave us parties and let us play with her horses. But it did not make me want to stay with the church. When I moved out of my parents house at 18 I stopped going to their church. I never went home for holiday services. The entire time i was in Washington DC I did not go to church on Sunday’s until I started attending Catholic University Law School. Their I converted to Catholicism. My grandfather’s brother was Catholic. I am probably related to the Ambassador Theresa Anne Tull, who is also Catholic.
I think it is crazy what has happened over the past decade with me, my family and my UNION Sag Aftra. I was not crazy. I was my own person. I think it is insane that people suddenly came into my life who may have known me or my family at 18 and decided I was committing some kind of fraud. I had a troll calling me a WASP but I have not been Protestant in decades. My parents knew this. They knew I converted to Catholicism. I had Jewish Friends in high school. I criticized my parents and their church all the time. They knew I was not like them. I did not let them into my life in DC. They did not know what I did to make money or what I was studying in school.
Even when I lived with my parents as a child, my parents did not help me with my homework that often. They could not. I was smarter than they were. My father helped me once build a castle in elementary school and it was a disaster.
My parents are narcissistic. My life does not revolve around them. But they want it to be. I want to know who the TROLL is who was attacking me on line because no one in California knew me as a WASP. I was a member of the Santa Monica Catholic Church congregation from 2003 to 2007. I do not intend on ever going back to their church or beliefs. I do not worship money. I do not believe in their version of selfishness. I believe in Science. I believe in taking care of the planet. I believe in trying to do what is right while also taking care of myself. I wanted healthy relationships and a healthy life. Not this insanity where I have men chasing me on line who my parents would want me with. Who ever you are with SAG AFTRA who are blacklisting me- you are the fraud. you are trying to make me be the person you assumed I was to validate your blacklisting me. I am not GOP. I am not PROTESTANT. I have always been a Moderate Democrat.
THE TROLL has to be with SAG AFTRA and knows my time at Grey’s Anatomy. Jason George is from Virginia Beach and went to the University of Virginia. My father’s family is all in Virginia. They are all WASPS. Assaf Cohen tried to get me to talk to Woody Schuoltz. I think it was archaic and conservative of him to think that just because I was from Maryland I had anything in common with WOODY. I was the gifted kid in school. I was not into video games. I also was trained in Theater and not interested in doing motion work. I suspect that Woody is related to another actor from Maryland who is a big time GOP supporter. However Maryland is very BLUE. Assuming I was a GOP member because of some male actors who are RED is stupid. ASK. Assuming I was GOP because my parents are is also daft. Have you seen the TV show Family Ties. Michael J Fox plays a son who acts like a GOP member while his parents are liberal hippies. The APPLE does fall from the tree.
I was not crazy. I am a creative artistic person. I do not want a man in my life who wants me to read the bible and obey his GOD. It does not make me EVIL. I like Star Trek. I voted for OBAMA. I respect people of different cultures and beliefs, but I believe in equality and women’s rights. I believe that women have the right to pursue their own independence and career goals. My goals are not to be your property. As an educated creative woman I would be miserable being forced to be a domesticated house wife. I have no interest in becoming my mother. I have a law degree. You stupid men with the PROTESTANT church honestly think I would be interested in being trapped in your house under your roof and I am going to peacefully spend my days being your cook and maid. I would be so full rage and anger and hate that you kept me from reading and learning and growing intellectually and artistically that I would want to do damage to you. So do not even think that I want to talk to you on line or date you. Do not even think that I want you to marry me and rescue me. I have one reason to have a man in my life- you are my best friend and the father of my children. But I am now to old to have kids and would need a miracle to have one. I would HATE You and any kids you had with another woman, especially if the only reason you want to date me is you need help with your kids that are NOT MINE. And if you are not into acting and the arts and are not the type of person who has a brain and uses it, you will make me miserable. STOP thinking I am like my parents and am like my mother, an ignorant SOUTHERN woman who likes rug hooking and the BIBLE. I have never been like her.
I hate JEREMY GILBREATHE and his wife ALAINA FILO because it took me years to get out from under my father and I was a beautiful woman. I got cancer. Instead of letting me recover and rebuild, I had my career and every thing I loved taken away from me so he could have kids after trying to RAPE ME. Did you think I did not have the right to want to have a family? I did not have the right to have a career? Who is the narcissist? Me? Or Gilbreathe who tried to rape me then insinuated I wanted him? I am not a desperate woman. I am not the type who would want a guy who was already taken. I think that is evil. What was wrong with me wanting to be an actor? I am not the narcissist. My parents needed my acting career to be over so my life could revolve around them. But it will never revolve around them. I never will go back to the legal profession. And I will never go back to their church. I was never an accountant or a business tech person. I love the arts. It is the only passion I have for life. And Instead of me loving my parents, the more i am not allowed to be an actor and work in the industry the more I hate my parents and their GOD.
I needed money more then BLAKE SHIELDS and JEREMY GILBREATHE did. I have student debt. I had been working to be a film maker and editor to support acting. To the ignorant MEN who think I am going to want to turn to you in my desperation. I am not your WHORE. And I will never have sex with anyone I do not love or actually want physically. If I am not attracted to you, I will not want to be with you. I do not believe in this religious perspective that as a woman I am chaste and do not have a libido. I may be3 ugly and old, but I do not need ugly old men who inhibit me being able to be healthy and make me feel ugly and old in my life. I WOULD RATHER BE ALONE with my books, and my art and my imagination. I do not feel lonely enough to be with MEN who are desperate or who think I am going to become a GOP stupid pathetic broken women. GO TO HELL. I wanted a healthy relationship and if you do not respect that I am not going to respect my parents and become like my mother you are really insane and I would make your life miserable. FIND SOME OTHER WOMEN to force to be with you because I am done with life if I can not be SAG AFTRA and be an actor and I hate myself because of how the INDUSTRY has bullied me. I DO NOT NEED YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD. You can not give me confidence. ALL YOU WILL GIVE ME IS ABUSE so leave me the F ALONE. ACTing is what I love. You are delusional if you think I want to be working with kids and being a typical subservient woman. AND STOP WOMEN IN CALIFORNIA calling me CRAZY. Where I grew up I was told I could do what MEN CAN DO and that I was smarter then many of the guys I knew in SCHOOL. Stop your sexist bullshit. You are just as BAD as the MEN who have been treating me like I am GAY or CRAZY when I was gifted and very capable.