I spent a few hours on the 19th on the boardwalk of Venice beach raising money for the homeless.  I did not know that is what I would be doing.  I thought I would be handing out food or clothing.  I started with that, but then someone gave me a can and told me to try so I did.  I was surprised, by the end of 2 hours I had raised $40.00 give or take.  I had one person give me a $5 and another person actually handed me $20.  I have this need to help out every once in a awhile.  There used to be a group in my neighborhood that would clean the streets, but they have not posted events in a few years.  I think I helped with the tree people last year, but I wanted to be near the water this weekend.  I also was hungry for people contact.  Plus I think they did not have an official event with serve.org.  I could not find an arts organization listed. 

Funny thing is I raised $40, but have very little myself.  You see I showed up to a set to be told I was on a list.  TO me everything that has happened is unlawful and immoral and wrong.  I am not trained to be a law firm attorney, not did I ever want to be that.  Even my professors back east whose law firm I worked for, knew I was not cut out to be a cut throat lawyer.  He tried to link me up with people working on non-profit stuff in the Virgin Islands.  I kind of wonder now looking back if my father was meddling and if they were trying to get me out of the country and away from him.  I had a car accident though and was dealing with to much pain.  I felt like I could not handle what the virgin island people wanted for me to do and so I quit.  I think also the idea of not being able to act because I had trouble walking without pain was depressing me.  I was a very active person with a great deal of energy. 

Why am I writing about this?  Because I was helping out under a program initiated by Obama, but my Mother keeps telling me I voted for the person responsible for me not being allowed to be on sets and do anything I love.  You can’t force people to do jobs to serve the community if they hate those jobs.  It is like assigning people jobs at random.  I just watched a movie about a city under the earth that was built to save civilization.  As time went on though the city fell apart.  There was no education system and kids were not given jobs based on what they were passionate about or had natural skills at, but were given jobs by picking a name out of a bag.  IN the end the city basically was on the way to failing. 

I was working so hard and not appreciated for it.  My father and his generation don’t get that work is work even if it does not involve being behind a desk, and that work that is enjoyable for a person is not necessarily wrong or useless.  I felt I had a purpose because I was part of creating stories that would live beyond me.  I loved the work that I did and I was trained to act.  I have more endorsements for acting on my linkedin than any other skill.  Yet  show up to a set and can’t work even background when I did NOTHING WRONG.  A man who molested me gets to still work.  I did not call the police on him, but then I did not know that years later he would end up helping to destroy my future.  The assaulted happened in 2006 and then I get tripped two years later on a set and  I think  the accident was arranged because I was told if I did not run all out I would be fired.

I think serving is wonderful, and I volunteer all the time.  But making people give up their dreams to serve, is not what America is about.  I have nightmares now about working hard and every time I put myself out to do something creative and worthwhile for me, someone tells me I can’t because someone has put me on some list that dictates I can never strive to achieve that.  I graduated phi beta kappa and with honors in theater, and once even had an interview at YALE for theater management, and yet I can’t work in the arts and theater because of what?  my debt?  My law degree?  I gave up my legal credentials in protest and to protect myself.  Someone kept listing me in websites as though I was putting myself out there to practice.  I even have emails I sent to websites to have myself removed as a lawyer who could practice and called the California Bar to tell them what was going on. 

I mean two celebrities can lie and slander me on a set and then I show up to be told I am on a list.  The casting agent for the show is friends with a guy who used to do the same job my dad did.  People talk about the AMERICAN DREAM.  But what I want to know is what is it for me?  I wanted a family, but only if that family consisted of artistic people, and not people only into government,  politics and business.  I never got along with my parents because I would want to talk art and music and my dad would only want to talk about government, politics, his criminal busts (or the ones he could talk about).  Family dinners were like me going to a compete strangers house who I had nothing in common with and I often wondered if I was switched at birth.  Also everything I have trained for I have realized is now considered a WASTE OF TIME.  Acting, arts, film production, I am NOT ALLOWED TO DO… until when.. I pay off my debts.  But I can’t get a job because I was taken off sets. I am not driven to work for money but driven to make money to get an acting career and train to make films. 

And because Grey’s Anatomy and the lead actors had me treated the way that I was I will never have kids, because until I know I am allowed to be on sets again and until I know it is ok for me to fight to dream, I will not bring a child into this world to be tortured the way I have been by my father as a child and now as an adult under his thumb again.  What makes me mad too is people talk about professionalism, but I heard the crew of Grey’s making comments about stuff they would only know if they talked to my father.  Since when is it professional for employers to talk to the parents of their employees behind their back.  This is not high school anymore.  I grew up, and I wish America would to.

Obama this is going to be my last year to serve.  Why?  because until I know who that man was who told me I was on a list, for all I know the government did do this to me secretly.  The people at Grey’s had my Daddy send over someone he worked with to tell me I was on this list like some terrorist.  I never hurt anyone ever on any set, and I did NOTHING WRONG.  I should not be in a position where I am forced to date, marry, or even get a job I hate that has nothing to do with my education, and certainly not on a fraud.  I have too many physical and health issues too.  I have been repeatedly emotionally abused by people bringing up my father, a man so obsessed with money that he has convinced himself that he paid my rent from 2003 to 2008, when I worked so hard the year I had cancer on sets that I made 10,000 in overtime, and also was getting As in online classes in web design, because I knew that the industry was moving to making more stuff for the web and wanted to figure out how to get involved with that thinking I could find work from a computer lab top that would allow me to work in production and give me the flexibility to still act and train to act on the side.

If people want me to work, they need to stop defrauding me.  Me not using my law degree – not fraud, especially when to use it mentally destabilizes me.  My parents when this started accused me of fraud, and there were rumors on the set to the same.  I lost the ability to ride a bike in 1997.  Also it was the decision of the Department of education to put my loans in deferment because I was in school, and they even told me I could talk acting classes and that I could do what I wanted and fight to be an actor.   The year I had cancer in 2005 I started to change to get a career in production, and then two years later when I am half way through the program and getting sick from gluten, I get tripped and treated like a terrorist.  WORSE- the AD from the set is from Maryland and this woman shows up to say she hates Eli Stone and well my dad actually implies to me that the woman may be the assistant to my former attorney back east.  I sent my lawyer her picture.  I even called the defendant back east and talked to him about it.  He is a physical therapist and actually knew I would have knee problems for years.  that I might get better, but never get full use of my knee the way it was before the accident.  The accident was in 1997 people.  Serious I fight to get to the point I can take basic Ballet, though I will never be a ballerina because of my knees, and people start saying I COMMITTED A FRAUD.  So no trail, and instead I am intentionally trip- why? so I can spend the rest of my days living my father’s dream of me at a desk and not seeing the world since he could not because he had to raise a family?

I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO THIS WOMAN IS?  She is blonder and thinner now, but who ever she is- she has committed a crime against me.  She told me she was a nurse, but I don’t believe that.  She told me her fiancé was an executive with ABC, though a crew person on ELI STONE told me when she showed up on Grey’s Anatomy that this woman probably lied to me.  This woman told me that acting looked easy to her so she thought she would try it, which told me she has probably NEVER taken an acting class.  I saw her a month ago at an event with JOHN HAWKES.  She comes up to where I am and makes some snide remark about not wanting and it sounded like she said “psycho” sitting in the front.  Well afterwards I went up to talk to JOHN because his friends kind of helped me get through one of the hardest times of my life.  His music helped me to.  (I went and saw him play music for a few years so if I was a stalker I’d have shown up on his doorstep or one of his friends long ago.)  I saw this lady again in line for the bathroom and she looked like she had been smacked.  I took a good loot at her and when I came home looked at this image.  You see she was featured on ELI STONE.  that is where this image is from. One of the last episodes of the first season in the conference room when I believe the character of Stone was trying to get a group of lawyers to help him do research.  THIS WOMAN AND POTENTIALLY HER HUSBAND HELPED TO BLACKLIST ME.  the fact that after Shimmy the crew person On Grey’s talked about her, the cast members started making snide remarks and the next day I am treated like a terrorist.  she also showed up on the set of the PSA for stand up 2 cancer I am featured in and I actually thought I heard her tell the AD of that commercial that her fiancé was responsible.  I did that part of the commercial for free.  It was the big baseball stadium seen with SPIDERMAN ACTOR. 

IF this girl had actually found out the facts she would have known I told the JURY in 2000 that I was going to come to cali to work in ENTERTAINMENT, and that I had a theater degree and Masters in Performing arts.  I would be in Cali now regardless of that accident.  Despite that accident in fact, I fought to get experience on sets.  Her actions and her husband’s were irresponsible.  And the actions of the crews of ABC and DISNEY were negligent and slanderous.  I did not cause that accident in 1997.   A young guy ran through a stop sign when he was not looking.  I got $3000 in future medical expenses and the rest was for pain and suffering.  After my attorney got his part, my medical insurance was reimbursed for past medical expenses of $10,000, I walked away with $14,000.  I spent the $3000 alone on physical therapy, medical tape, a special break for my old car so I could drive it with my left foot when I moved to California, and also special implants for my feet to help stabilize my knees and a gym membership so I could train to work on my own and conserve the money I did get from the trial by going every few months to a physical therapist to show me how to retape my knee as it shifted back into place (my knee was knocked out of alignment and my muscles were weakened from the negligence of my first doctor).  I also found a doctor out here in alternative medicine and acupuncture, which is not standard on the east coast to do, but who basically helped me get to the point I could run on an elliptical forward (I started running backward in 2002 at the request of my physical therapist on a trial basis) by 2003 (7 years after the accident).  SO in other words, if this woman had anything to do with convincing people I did something illegal or wrong when I did not- please I need her name.   I may not have money, but that does not mean I did not work hard.  I have worked to take pictures for the press, only to make zero.  I wrote articles and made pennies.  This fraud of my person needs to stop.  Plus for some reason I suspect that I was treated the way I was by Grey’s also because of this woman.

this woman also showed up on a Pilot and one or two other projects with me in late 2007 and made a remark on one that I was limping because she was there.  She did not know I was limping because the weather was about to change.  It was winter after all in California.  December through February are not good months for my knees.  Lately they have gotten better because I am on a very strict natural gluten free vegan diet and I work out at the gym when I can during those months to give my knee extra care.

Keep in mind my car accident was in 1997 and in order to drive to Cali in 2002 I had to have my car refurbished so I could drive with my left leg and I was still TAPING my knee.  I have receipts for orders for tape dating as late as 2002/2003.  I remember having a box delivered to me here in California.

Again I ask what is the American Dream?  because from the time I was a little girl, I have thought of it as a nightmare.  I as a woman forced to be the slave to a man, have his kids against my will, and to have to put up with said man telling me I am a loser, will not amount to anything,  and be told to go to the kitchen and get a beer and to shut up and be seen and never have a voice of my own.

For the record after my trial in 2000 I Spent the next two years working as a legal temp making 40,000 a year and putting every penny that did not go toward paying bills including loans to school, to saving up to move to California.  The money from my trial was not used for that purpose. 

I also want to know what the lead actors of Grey’s Anatomy got out of torturing me.  I heard crew make remarks as though they had talked to my parents behind my back.  They made comments they were going to tell Tom Hanks with Stand Up 2 Cancer that I was fired when they found out I made a film for their PSA competition.  Dempsey makes $300,000 an episode.  That means he makes $300,000 every 10 days he shoots.  I was working my butt off at minimum wage and studying and getting a GPA of 3.73 because I found my dream- to work on sets with actors and act for the rest of my life.  Kids in my neighborhood would also demand I read Curious George to them over and over when I babysat, so I could learn to be a voice over artist.  I want to know why they put me in a position where I have NOTHING to work for.  because they did not think I was good enough to be in their celebrity club?  Because their stand in Cynthia Youngblood thought I was after her ex-boyfriend?  I was not.  I don’t like people who lie to me or try to cheat on me.  Or because Shimmy told them I was playing a lawyer on Eli Stone and said I really had a Juris Doctorate.  I DO.  GO to the California State Bar website and Look me UP- I intentionally RETIRED. 

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