The road to my wishing I had died of the cancer.  I was scared but my doctor was taking care of me so my legs were improving enough that I felt I could be on sets.  Not up to running though and I made sure that was covered. My digestive system kept failing me though and I was worried my cancer was back. 

02/01/08 LA Times Staff Additional The Soloist 9.8 hours Reporter as I recall at the LA Times.  I don’t want to get into trouble but Downey had all this makeup on and he was uncomfortable and made a comment about it, and I went “AHHH.”  He turns to me and says.  “I said that because I knew you were going to do that.”  I was speechless.  they were not shooting.  It was just one of those cool moments.  Funny actually.  I don’t like seeing anyone in pain. 

02/04/08 Spectator Ticket to Ride 11 hours.  This was a weird ride.  OK.  I was on it for two days and there would have been a third but they wanted to SAG me and I could not do it.  I wish I had, but at the same time things happen for a reason.  One of the coordinators was always cool with me.  However the second day things were weird.

02/05/08 Spectator Ticket to Ride 11.3 hours  I was on first or second team.  We had Michael Keaton on our team.  This was later called “Post Grad.”  I had been at the bottom of this hill before lunch and we were watching a race, with those cars kids make??  Well after lunch they told us to go back to where we were before lunch.  However this PA guy Jake or Jack insisted i get into this van and go to the top of the hill.  Guy with scraggly hair long, facial hair, cap.  The guy with me I have worked with before and he also got into the van.  I worked with him in the past and also on this commercial for a cancer group.  Every time after though he would ask me if I ever got back to the bottom.  You see they drove us to the top and then this PA who later showed up on Grey’s Anatomy told me to go back to where I was before lunch.  So I had to walk down the hill.  Keep in mind I had an accident just weeks before. I told them that.  Later I found out from this Guy I worked with in background Jeff that Jake was frustrated because they wanted all the background to run but there were logistic issues.  They never asked me to run??  But unlike my partner it took me a long time to get down the hill and I was pissed.  I hate messing up continuity.  I want to know who this guy Jake is too.  You see I found the background guy Jeff as a friend on MS M’s face book and printed it out.  I then told her off and blocked her.  This guy kept hitting on me but he was not getting it.  he later took pics of me after a Desperate Housewives job which I still have. he told me Ms M really did not care if I was losing the only reason I beat cancer. I already knew that, and I can’t be friends with heartless people like that.  No soul to me.  He also thought when I would go for interviews for jobs I would be interviewing with law firms.  I don’t want or need a man who wanted me to be his sugar daddy.  he can go get a law degree if he wants.  I’m not using it.  I had an interview actually with a photographer who liked me but the job was in Malibu and too far. 

Anyways I think I went to the other team also that day or something.  I still look back though and felt this guy had it out for me and when I show what happened over the next few months it became clearer.  Everytime I worked with him it was as though he wanted me to look bad.  even making sush signs at me on a set when I was not the one talking but my partner was and I hate that. I hate being paired up with someone who knows the rules but then talks.  A guy on the set told me some stuff about this woman I was sitting with to that made me not respect her even more.  Plus I had just had an accident with crew from Eli Stone and later this guy shows up on Private Practice and Desperate Housewives.  Connect the dots.  Something was off.

02/07/08 Commercial 12 hours.  I worked with Jeremy Gilbreathe on this set.  And Ms M and this guy HG who was Ms Ms side kick on many occasions.  Jeremy gets into my space and well makes some weird comments about me smelling funny and I had just put on this orange smelling perfume.  I started to cry because he was harassing me and frankly scaring me.  I could tell he was high or on something.  Ms M and HG made some comment about me being crazy.  I look at them and loudly say so Jeremy can hear that he had molested me.  That shut Jeremy up but did not stop him.  I also heard him after going over and talking to MS M say something about how she was fired and laughing and also he talked about getting a discount from Disney.  You dont get a disney discount unless you work for them or are on their lot as a regular extra.  Central was still working me.  I ended up going to the guy in charge of us and he took me away from Jeremy so I could recover.  I started to come out after I had calmed down and found Jeremy had moved over and was talking to crew over where i was laughing like a hyena.  I went back to where I had been behind this house and about 15 minutes later I ended up going back to work but I moved.  Funny thing is this young guy who told me he was from Annapolis was also there and he would give me these looks like he wanted to hurt me.  He had been on Eli Stone too at the end.  I can not remember if this happened the first day on the set or the second.  I ended up working for the same casting company though 3 days in a row.  Two this job and one on another.  The crew guy in charge told me he had heard some stuff about Jeremy but not what i was telling him.  That was a new one.  Weird thing is I heard Jeremy tell  his friends that he had already talked to the AD as though that cleared him.  I guess he tought that by doing that he could get into my space and make comments.  (I’d like to know actually what status he was.  I know that there are SAG people who slide and do non-union commercials and I would not rat anyone out, but in this case- he would deserve it.)

02/08/08 Commercial 12 hours.  Second day same as yesterday.

02/09/08  The Rookie?  10.8 hours. Some kind of industrial.  I messed up.  This was actually a two day job and it was the same casting people as the commercial with Jeremy but he was not there.  A blessing.

02/10/08 Rookie Industrial 9 hours

02/14/08 I remember this Valentine I spent at the ARt walk downtown.  It was weird to because my door bell rang and it never does.  My building is very secure and the buzzer to get in from my apartment I was told does not work.  You have to call me to get in, not ring the bell.  I was getting ready to go out and by the time I got downstairs no one was there.  Well there was this silver car with a guy who looked like an actor from set and a kid taking a picture of my building.  I figured it was an accident and went back upstairs.  NO valentine.  I just wanted to get out and see some art and test my legs.  I ended up spending more of the evening sitting in different art galleries, eating cheese and drinking wine and watching people.  It was a fun night though.  One gallery had art based on the heart candy that was really kind of cool and another had art influences by breast cancer.  that was awesome.   

02/29/08 Press Church Goer Desperate Housewives 8 hours.  On this day I remember the crafty guy from Eli Stone was there and the Medic from 24.  Strange day.  this young woman gave me advice to get a lawyer.  Though I did not tell her anything that had happened.  It did not help as I could not get one.  It was as though she knew something I did not and she also told me that Ms M was a bitch.  So did a crew person.  I think I may have worked with her on Eli but not sure.  We had worked before.  Very together woman.  the crafty guy knew also not happy with Ms M.  the Medic from 24 had given me tips when I had my mastectomy, including the number of a plastic surgeon at USC though I don’t think they took my insurance.  Apparently I called the medic from the hospital after it was over, but I don’t remember and he reminded me of the call and had this big grin on his face.  I kind of want to know what I said. I know it was innocent though.  I am a professional though the medic from 24- very attractive.  He had a girlfriend though, I could tell.  Nice guy and Id work with him anytime because I know he takes care of his peeps.   I think I remember he called me back to say he was happy I was OK but I am not sure about that.  I was drugged for two days straight and the pain medicine they gave me kept me up for almost two days.  It was like caffeine.  I would stop hurting when I pushed this button but could not sleep.  In fact I wonder what time I called him too because I was in surgery at 4:30 AM and awake and talking by the time they wheeled me into recovery.  In fact the nurses told me I was not supposed to be up and then I did not go to sleep again I think until like Thursday or Friday and I think this was a Wednesday morning?  September 1, 2005.  I was speed walking the halls at like 5:00 am 24 or 48 hours after my surgery and I even volunteered to measure my own fluids for the nurses and record them to help them out.  My doctor told me later I was the talk of the Hospital.  I was home to my own bed in like 4-5 days.  I had even made my own food which I stored in this little fridge in my room though they gave me vegetarian meals the entire time.  I wanted to cut costs.  I loved the sweet potatoes.   

03/05/08Female Banquest Goer American Carol  9.9 hours.  OK I remember that both Ms M, this young guy J and Ms D were there.  When I first met him he was hanging out with Ms J on eli stone.  Well I actually at one point tried to get him and this girl I knew to go to the museum with me but I got sick.  I  was playing match maker. I dont know what was going on but I remember talking about wanting to go to the museum with him on Eli Stone and there was a weird reaction. Some one asked me what i was doing or did the weekend and I said I was going to do this but got sick.  Also Ms D is this woman who made comments about my figure and freaked me out about it- she knew I had scars.  Also told me I would lose the capacity to have kids and I also heard her tell a crew person that someone did not know they had lost it on this set as I was in the bus to leave.  She and Ms M both worked second season of Eli Stone.  Ms M would not look at me and avoided me.  Kind of happy about that.  they chose a woman I knew to sit with the lead.  I was happy for her. 

03/06/08 Gala Attendee Desperate Housewives Fitting 2 hours.  This was weird because the PA Jake was there and he acted surprised to see me.  Plus they took my dress.  Like they picked my dress but then they took it.  Apparently though they did that to a bunch of women who went in for fittings.  I was not used to that.  I had found this beautiful gold dress a few months before at the American Thrift Store for $14.  Seriously it looks like something one would wear to the Oscars.  Love it. 

Hair and makeup in this pic compliments of Desperate Housewives crew.  Dress mine.  I did my stuff before but they worked me over even more.  Loved it.  I had no idea my hair could do this.  

03/06/08 Medium 10.2 hours I remeber booking this at the Fitting for Desperate Housewives.  It was a rush call so I left almost straight from the fitting to go to work this show.

03/07/08 Squad Room Agent NCIS 9.8 hours

03/10/08 NY Shopper CSI NY 8 hours

03/11/08 Founder’s Day Gala Desperate Housewives 11.2 hours.  OK this was a weird day.  I got paired with a woman who would not stop talking.  Jake was there and made some comment in passing about someone not or willing to sleep with actors.  he kept shushing as he was passing me, though the woman sitting with me was the one who would not stop. 

The AD picked me to stay but then he cut me and I heard him say how someone was not going to be used again.  And I got sick off of some of the food.  I did not know about my allergy at the time.  I was OK to work, just got queasy.  And Ms D from Eli Stone was there too.  I later worked with her with the government and heard people who worked with her comment that they did not know I was losing why I beat cancer.  Hello this woman saw my cancer scars.  Later I was told my Central  that they had on my file never again on Desperate Housewives, but the date was wrong. 

It was a day I was with a doctor trying to figure out why i was getting sick.  And the comment was from someone working with Central and not the casting person or anyone with the production.  I did have a confrontation with the woman who I had been partnered with about her talking when we were supposed to be pantomiming, but that was in holding.  Plus the AD wanted me to stay and this guy for the second time seemed to have it out for me.  ???? 

I finally took down my hair.  I could not sleep with all the bobby pins in it.  Loved the look though. 

I remember talking to a SAG regular I knew on the phone about what happened and well he told me some stuff I was not surprised to hear about the woman I was sitting with.  We had a mutual friend years before who was really kind of mean.  There is other personal stuff that is her business but I can’t stand hypocrites.  Don’t preach if you don’t practice what you preach.

03/13/08 Office Staff Criminal Minds 8 hours

03/18/08 Audience The Soloist 15.9 hours.  I think this was a big concert scene.  I got a splinter in my finger and this girl was there who I had just found out had been dating this crew person  the one who would tell me in two years they would forget what I did, but for the life of me, I don’t know what I did.

03/19/08 Courtroom BG A promo for a lawyer show.  I thought this was funny.  However everyone knew, or I thought they did, that I would never practice.  I hated it.  I love acting. 

03/25/08 Hotel Bar Patron Eleventh Hour 11.4  They valet took our cars.  And they removed my sticker from my window for my temp license plate.  I was getting new license plates and they were in the mail.  This was cool but the lead kind of stared me down on set.  I liked the show though.  Good concept.  this was the pilot.

03/26/08 Ancient Greece BG Bedtimes Stories Fitting 2 hours.  I was fit to play two different roles in this and was supposed to work like 2 plus weeks on it.  The wardrobe people were really cool with me and I was looking forward to doing some period work.  Cool costumes too.  I was going to be a Greek and then some space age girl.  I loved the space age costume.  (However the second week did not happen- thank you Eli Stone and Courtney Lovell and Arnie Starr and well certain background people who kept making comments that inferred to me they were scientologists and they acted like I was someone they wanted to spit at- more to follow.)

03/27/08 Dresser CSI NY 8.5 hours.

03/28/08 Detective  Moonlight.  9 hours.  This was usually a night call.  I knew crew from other shows and they were cool though this stand in from Eli Stone was there who told me he was from Baltimore, though he stopped working it because he told me the food was making him sick.  I could never tell if he was cool or not.

03/31/08 Grey’s Anatomy 12.5 hours  As usual a nurse.  I was having issues with a stand in. I was non-union and she was union and she kept reporting me to PAs for things I did not do.  I would ask to go to crafty- go and she would tell the PAs I went to crafty when I was not supposed to- that kind of thing.  It was crappy. I worked the show before she did, but I was non-union and she was in with the principals and wanted me off and all because her ex had made a pass at me before deciding to go out with her.  We never slept together and I told him i did not want to date him if we were going to work together.  He left me thinking we might go out after Carnivale but then I found out he was dating her and told him off.  I did not bring personal stuff to set, but she was Union and therefore even if she did, well I felt like I had no defense and no protection from her actions.  I still worked this show after this date, but things got really bad and also keep in mind a crew person from ticket to ride showed up working this show and a guy from Carnivale who I think is shady was there the day I was tripped and this is an ABC show.  So was Desperate Housewives and Eli Stone.  Something did not add up and I ended up losing everything I fought and worked so hard for, or I felt like I did and was in my opinion brutalized by Grey’s Anatomy in August as you will see.  And in the end i felt like it was all for petty high school stuff. I worked with the guy from Carnivale all the time.  As long as he understood we were just friends and co-workers I was fine with him.  His name was Johnny by the way which I think led to some major understandings on Eli Stone.  I would never refer to Johnny lee Miller as Johnny because of that.  (Well Until he promised to help me shoot a PSA for stand up to cancer and then told me he would help me but then stood me up.)  But this girl- telling me when I told her I had cancer what did it matter if he fell for someone else and flirting with him on set in front of me- which by the way got me on HBO’s website.  I channelled all the stuff she was dishing my way into one awesome background performance so good one of the guys on the set even asked me if I was going for an Oscar (I think he meant Emmy) and I told him “you have no idea.”  Even the principals that day knew what I was dealing with because I heard one of them comment “she knows.”  I still did one hell of a job.

04/02/08 Camdenite My Name Is Earl 10.5  Swear to god the lead guy looked at me, though he was wearing sunglasses and said the word “fired.”  Freaked me out.  I ran into a guy from Deadwood who was a regular Union on the show.  He used to tell me I made a good whore, though he would add I was a good actress.  they put me up with the principals but I never looked to see if you could see me.  Frankly I was still having problems with my health and not sure why and stressed about it and thought maybe this was in my head.  I mean I did not go around saying I hate this group or that.  If someone would ask I would say that a group kind of scared me but I did not want to join and Just wanted to work.  After being tripped and all though I was getting to feel as though I was under attack and I was getting fed up because I just wanted to be nice and do a good job.

04/03/08 Camdenite My Name Is Earl  12.7 hours. I have to add I was really impressed with this one actor who played this character in a wheel chair.  Brit guy.  I think he is now on Walk hard now.  the zombie show I can’t watch.

04/04/08 Space Station BG Bedtimes Stories – Fitting I think this was for the second week I was supposed to work.  Space Alien girl.  Funny thing is though they made some comment about how I would not need to do background for much longer or something.  It was a weird fitting, though I did love the outfit.

04/07/08 Grey’s Anatomy 12.5 hours. I loved working this show despite the stuff between me and the stand in.  Plus it was minutes from where I live.

04/09/08 CSI Tech CSI: NY 8 hours

04/10/08 Commercial 12 hours  Cancer commercial with the guy from Ticket to ride who was at the bottom of the hill and then had to walk down to but made it much faster than I did.  I swear I still think the PA wanted me to look bad that day and he knew I was not able to run.  I even told Central when they booked me. 

04/11/08 12 hours same commercial as the day before.

04/17/08 Grey’s Anatomy.  11.9 They were working me allot at this point.

04/21/08 Detective/ Homeland Emp CSI NY 12 hours Funny considering.  At the same time I would never do what my father does.  I am not the child I was though I still am.  I like soft things and not violence and I like poetry and I can play this part but actually be it.  Come on.  Get real.  And I have not taken a math class since College.  Statistics and spreadsheets are not my thing.  Sorry.

04/22/08 UFO Conventioneer Race to Witch Mountain 14.3 hours  I car pooled with others for this one.  Recalled multi days.  Worked with Johnny from carnivale and bunch of regulars.  Played cards or games at one point with these military guys Union during lunch. 

04/23/08 UFO Conventioneer Race to Witch Mountain 12.3 hours

04/24/08 UFO Conventioneer Race to Witch Mountain 15.5 hours

04/28/08 Female Greece BG: Noble Bedtime Stories 15 hours Greek days. Had a confrontation with Courtney Lovell. I wanted to know why Joy told me that I was off the list after i had told her I was not interested in following anyone around and that I was being bullied.  I kind of suspected what I later found out- that she was friends with Ms M.  I told her I felt Like i was having why I beat cancer taken away and she told me not to lay that on to her.  I later found out from a background guy who acted like a regular on Eli Stone, but I never saw him there (he says he worked a courtroom day) that the ADs on this film were the new ADs at Eli Stone.  there were rumors going around that the show was coming back and not being cancelled. I did not want to go back to it, but somehow felt that those rumors meant I would lose all.  And I did.  they also said that they wanted someone gone so they could use someone else.  I kind of felt I knew who and what they were talking about.   Also a woman I had worked with on Grey’s who I let borrow some hair spray actually gave me a full bottle of the organic stuff I used.  that was a nice surprise.

04/29/08 NY Ped/ Medical Examiner Criminal Minds 8 hours.  the guy in charge of us on this also helped at the PSA for cancer and endedup I think talking to the AD there to put me on tape near Jodie Foster.  that was awesome.  though he was kind of mean toward me here.  And there was a PA here who showed up the last week on Eli Stone.  I later saw her on Modern Family.  he was cool with me at the PSA.  Carol from Central called me on set and told me they wanted me back on Bedtime Stories the next day.

04/30/08 Greek Noble BG  Bedtime Stories  13 hours This was the day I showed up and the PA (same one from my day at Star Trek fitting) told me they did not have a voucher for me and that Central said I had cancelled.  We had a very early call time and I showed up 30 minutes early, ate breakfast and then went to get hair and makeup done.  that way I did not have to worry about not getting food and could get in and get done ASAP.  Well while in line for hair the coordinator who checked us in made some comments about people being late and I looked at her and said I got here 30 minutes early.  And she acted like I caught her with her hand in the cookie jar.  I had I think another brief conversation with Courtney Lovell.  I could tell she did not want me there because I heard her talking to the Coordinator who was acting like I did something wrong when I did not. 

Why would I cancel and then show up to work?  Cancelling to is grounds for termination if you do it I think like 3-7 times with Central.  They kept changing their policy. I would never cancel Central unless a recall of another Central show.  I was always aware of that policy and Central had a reputation for not respecting the other casting agents shows outside of central so they would count a cancellation for a non- central show as a bad mark.  So I was careful never to get myself in that situation.  I managed to avoid it for years.  Plus I was there to work.  When i got home there was a message saying I was not even suppose to go to work.  So if I had not shown, Central would have had me cancelling and possibly terminated me on a lie. 

05/01/08 Greek Noble Bedtime stories 12.5 hours.  Again they did not have a voucher for me but wrote one up, yet I was told I was recalled.   At this point I had been tripped on a set.  Bullied by girls obsessed with an actor I never knew existed before i worked with him.  Beat cancer.  Was getting sick from gluten, but did not know.  All I wanted was to work and keep my reputation in tact and not have this PA Courtney putting in my file never again on this or that show when I was being abused and I told her I was not there for guys and she and Central acted like I committed some crime and no one would tell me what it was.  I did not want to be back on Eli Stone Second season, but I did not like being attacked.  Some guy on an independent actually yelled at me when I said I did not want to be back and in front of a guy who worked bedtime with me.  Seriously the guy who attacked me verbally and kind of scared me he told me he would make certain did not work again.  This was the same guy who told me that the AD on bedtime was the new guy for Eli Stone.  Again this was the week before they announced Eli Stone was coming back.  My life revolved around acting and the set world, but not one show, but I felt like the people from that show were destroying everything i worked for and for petty reasons of their own.  this was the last week I worked for Central.  They would not tell me who said what.  I only know from my perspective you don’t lie and make it look like a person would cancel or do something irresponsible like that to take away some one’s employment, especially after said person has had a Major accident on a set.  I know Courtney must have known about that.  She worked with both of the key crew on the set of The Goods at Eli Stone. 

05/02/08 Greek BG Bedtime Stories 12.5 hours.  This time I had a voucher with my name on it and it read just ND Greece BG 2nd Unit.  At this point I felt as though someone were trying to make me feel spit on.  Seriously there are people in L