In the summer of 2006 I had survived Breast Cancer. I had been sexually assaulted by Jeremy Gilbreathe. I also auditioned and got into American Academy of Dramatic Arts. That summer I also got drunk at a party and a guy at the party kissed me. I cooled him off. He was way too young and I told him find someone your own age. We were friends for a while. What was scary is I think that Melinda Johnson who was the AD on Eli Stone knew we were texting each other. I was dealing with depression from losing my breasts. This guy would text me just be me and I was OK being who I am. He told me I was not crazy but eccentric. I kind of spied on him for years online until he got engaged. I wanted to make sure he did not do anything else stupid like try to hook up with eccentric drunk women.

Anyways this is my journal from 2006. I do not drink wine anymore. Most of this is written as exercises to get into the head of a character I was playing. So this is not me being me. It is me pretending to be a woman in the 50s. “Two for the Seasaw.” I write much of it in the first person which may seem odd, but it was how I decided to do the research and explore the character. I do not believe I am a JEWISH woman from the 50s. This was me pretending to understand the character I was playing.

I hated liars. I hated high school. The most important things for me in 2006 were the first amendment and artistic expression. I also believed in freedom of belief and freedom not to believe. Even in 2006 before I was blacklisted from sets I believed in ATHEISM as OK. This was before I decided to create ARTISTICHOPE.com.

I am tired of who ever is policing my content on LINE. If it is the FEDS you are violating my first AMENDMENT rights and we are LIVING IN GILEAD. I am an actor and a writer and you are preventing me from being MYSELF and HAVING WORK with PEOPLE I CAN CONNECT WITH.

I worked hard to be AN ACTOR. I can not transfer those skills to being a LIAR.