For years I have attended network events in Los Angeles.  I love ones with live bands or activities that help break the ice.  I am not a wall flower, but combine loud noise and lots of people and I don’t know how people get to know each other.  Anyways, I met two gentlemen, one of whom I think I met before at another mixer event I used to go to in Beverly Hills.  Well the one gentleman who had a Scottish or Australian accent to his voice- it was a rough dialect as opposed to a more lilt or upper crust vocal quality.  The kind of accent you would find in a bar with dart boards and pool tables and drafted beers, as opposed to the hanging lights and perfectly still pool of the Skybar.  I had no intention though of leaving with him, and that I am glad to say I did not do.  He told me his name, though I have forgotten.  Did I mention I hate these events when there are no activities to do? I am a doer, not a rub elbows and smooch girl.

This man I will call Jack, tells me I am 80% there as an actress, and then he says 19% not, and then adds, but 1% there- I guess in addition to the 80% from before.  He then challenges and tells me how much do I want it.  I tell him it is my passion.  We banter a bit, though not much.  Frankly he made me mad.  Why do we women get drawn to men who makes us mad?  No matter what though I was determined to keep things professional.  I was looking for people to work with, not date or play with.  Well his other friend starts to pull him away, and I tell him something, and he says he will be back, and then ends up telling me to go with him.  Somehow I get introduced to his friends and it turns out they are producers.  I will probably never work for any of them after telling this story, but I ask his female friend if this guy is safe to go with.  He wants to get a drink but the bar in the main party area is packed.  I give him a hard time about it.  In the course of the conversation he takes off.  I look at his friends and they tell me to go find him, but he moves on quick, but that he is honest and I will be in safe hands.  At this point though I think he is a bit of a jerk and I am not sure what to make of him.  Something about him screams talent to me, but at the same time danger.  Just when I am about to just walk on, Jack comes back.  His friends and him insist that he is about work.

I end up going to the next bar with him.  We sit and he insists I sit closer.  Jack tells me he thinks I gave up something and that life has hit me hard and that I have probably seen it all in LA.  He also asks if I gave up my body to survive.  I get agitated at this point and tell  him NO I never have and I never will. I hint that what I lost nature took and I had no choice.  I tell him I volunteer and he tells me if I want to really volunteer I should work with Aids victims.  I have- kids.  It breaks your heart.  He orders drinks. I told him I was not going to drink. He orders a beer for himself and a tequilla shot for me, though I tell him I really don’t want to drink.  I tell him that he will have to drink both.  When the waiter arrives with the drinks and the check he raises a huff about the fact that the drink was $18 and says he will not pay for it.  the waiter looks at him and says that security may have to be called and fnaly takes money for the beer but tells the guy that he will remember his face and he will not serve him again.  the waiter takes the money and Jack drinks the tequila.  Well he previously told me that he had friends who he was giving money too, and that he had one friend who was starving.  He also pulls out a wad of bills to pay for the beer.  I told him I did not want a drink.  I certainly did not want an $18 tequila shot.

At this point, Jack tells me there are two things he hates- those who abuse power and those who are cruel.  Well I look at him and tell him that what he did was both.   I told him I did not want to drink, and to be honest part of me thought he was trying to get me kicked out, like if I had taken the drink.  Cause when the waiter put the drink down he told me to pay for it, but I told him I did not want a drink.  I basically then told him that the waiter may have 5 kids at home to feed and that what I witnessed just now was both a power move and cruel, and he tells me he did it to entertain.  I then tell him that what I lost were both my breasts to cancer.  I got up and left.  I went to the bar and apologized to the waiter and told him he also had drunk the drink.  Jack swore to me he was a good businessman and he would pay it.  I don’t know if he did.  As I was walking away he smiled at me strangely though.  Then when I got in line to go back to the main party I heard him behind me say something about- is that Drew Barrymore ahead of me.  I am not sure who he was talking about, but I went into the ladies room, circled the pool once and then left and went home.  I asked the waiter if he had paid before I left, but he said no, but that the gentleman was at the bar.  I told him I hope he did.  He said he would. 

One day I may go to an audition and have to work for this man, though I told him I would not want to work with someone who did something so intentionally cruel to another human being.  I met some other people but we will see. The most interesting person I met was a woman from Hungary.  I need to see Europe some day.  I want to shoot things there though.  We will see.

And if any of you reading this, thought I quit the acting, you are the monster and one day when you get cancer remember I said this- when you think you are dying and fighting to live- the only thing that can help you are the things that you love to do so much that the pain and the anger get forgotten.  I have fought years to build up a reputation as a work horse in the industry.  I had a background casting agent tell me recently that she is my fan for my work ethics and work- you don’t know me and have not lived in my shoes and I will keep fighting to be back on sets- cause that was the only place I felt I belonged and the last time I felt God really was a part of my life cause I was happy and not bitter and angry.  I made choices to live in poverty and work on sets- and I would not change those choices for anything.