I think I need to set the record straight because at this point I feel as though I am being treated like a freak or monster or well dirt trash and I am NONE Of that.  At the same time, I am sick of abuse, and of feeling as though people are trying to make me feel like crap when I need to be back on sets.  I wish I had died of the cancer because well the attitude- at least you are not in a wheel chair, or at least you are still alive, does not make me feel better when I feel like I am in HELL every day.  I don’t see myself having fun for the rest of my life and I don’t see myself ever being able to truly create anything ever again.  I am not a DOCTOR.  I am not a lawyer anymore.  I want to make art and so I get treated like crap for it because I am not trying to save the world or every thing I do is not 100% giving to others and making millions of dollars.  I need to have my first amendment rights back or why would I want to help others ever again or be forced to.  I am naturally generous.  Ironic but making me make money is the same thing as the Soviet Union forcing people to have assigned jobs, same kind of slavery.  How about letting me have my right to do what I want back and know I can work hard to work on sets again- oh wait I am not a Scientologist or a JEW so I am not allowed.  I am also not anti-Semitic, so I see this whole situation as a bunch of CRAP.

I started this list of men I kissed after I had a scare in 1995 or 1996.  I was dating a guy in the air force at the time and I suddenly was in pain.  I had not been with too many men yet and they thought I had herpes.  The tests came back inconclusive.  At that time I had only been with 3 men. None of them told me they had an STD and one of them kept trying to get me back even.  The guy I was dating went to see his doctor and had tests done and they came back negative.  Actually the guy I was dating we broke up for almost a year after my scare and then kind of got back together for a little and then I moved and kind of did not give him my new number.  Complicated but well I was not ready for what he wanted from me.  (Later when I moved to Cali I would get my blood test done anytime I got sick or felt like something was wrong. The test came back negative 6 times or more and well I’ve never had one of those cold soars on your mouth. NEVER.) I later found out I am allergic to latex.  My mother is also allergic.  As a kid I would get cancer soars in my mouth when ever I went to the dentist, so did my brother.  After I discovered my allergy my dentists were instructed to not use latex gloves and NO MORE cancer soars.  I actually as a kid thought it was normal to get them when you went to the dentist, some kind of natural reaction to having your mouth invaded.  So anyways in case I  ever did find out I was sick I started this list.

Note A=actor.  M=Musician  I have you might say a natural thing for artists.  There is also two film makers and a writer on the list as well. E= environmentalist Green Peace kind of guy  S= stage kiss so not emotionally attached and class related or well audition related in one case.  Of the 31 men I have kissed I only went further than that with 8 of the men on the list, and you might be surprised because I slept in the same bed with several of them and did NOTHING beyond kissing them.  Oh yes and they are in rough chronological order and TV guy was a camera man/ actor I met.  We later actually worked together I remember, I think on a COURT TV project but I am not sure.  He did not remember me very well, so that says something, or was pretending not to remember we dated. I also hate to admit this but I think I am forgetting one person in my gut on the list or two that were just kisses (I’ve done many acting projects) and also that TV guy might also be the Dave with the question mark.  I ran into him again on a job and then realized I could not remember his name and could not remember if I put him on the list.  All names after REEF are in CALI.  I forgot about a guy in a class.  I asked people I know who were in the class if they know who I kissed because I can’t remember.  Weird thing to write is that Keelan Lutz may know because I think he was there that day. Does not matter really.  I don’t lose myself or control when I act, but I don’t allow myself to get attached as a protection when I have to act physical with someone else.  At the same time people seeing the action think I am.  Unfortunately when I actually get physical with someone and I am not acting, I do get attached and will get hurt of the actions are based on lies by the guy, so I am careful.  I have not been at all busy in the hook up department out here.  I also kissed one ex-friend when we were drunk but I think it was more of a peck and then I stopped it.  

A	Scott	A?	Dave?		Frank	A	Eric
	Steve	M	Carlos	A	Reef	A & S	Godwin
A	Chris		Sam	A & S	Zack
	Phil	A?	TV Guy	A	Jordan
	Mark		Tim	A &M	Joe
A	Sef		Dave	A & S	Guy in audition
	Scott	E	Marshall	A	John/ Johnny
	Mark		Chip	M	Eric
M	Mike		Chris	A	Class audition?
	Juan		JR		Damon

I am not GAY people. I am a LADY!  And I am not into gay men either, just civil rights.  If I meet a great guy- he will not appear on this list ever because well either people will know we are together or we will know and that will be all that matters.  I am not settling for Mr. who I can get ever again.  I’ve done enough of that.  I also am not interested in any men who might get along with my FATHER.  No NRA, republican, Christian, make me feel like crap instead of listening to my pain psychotics.  I have headaches now because my parent’s dentists messed up my teeth and I can’t get them fixed.  Thank you AMERICA for putting me in a position where because I am not a JEW or a Scientologist and because I want to believe we have the right to associate with who we want and work for what we want I will probably never be in love again.  I will not date someone because they have a job and money but only if they make me feel SAFE and LOVED and will PLAY with me the way I like to play.  And guess what young men, if I want to work with you as an actress, it may mean just that- WORKING WITH YOU!!! Get over yourselves.  I know what I want.  I am not a little girl, and if you know you are not what I want in my opinion you are a rapist for trying to get me to go out with you anyways.  THANK YOU.

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