I’m tired,  I’m tired of not seeing any way to ever be happy again.  I’m tired of the fact that no matter how hard I work I’m not going to ever have anything to love about being alive again.  I can’t write for the examiner and frankly I think someone does not want me to. Anything that makes me think about not being on a set makes me depressed.  and Im not a fan of anyone or anything now. I won’t worship actors again but I won’t worship or date or be friends with anyone if they won’t love acting, understand and won’t to see me act and they dont treat acting with respect.  I wish there were real men in this country.  Seriously have the balls to tell me what’s being said.  I’m not dating anyone.  I’m trying to find work that’s it.  I still would want a man 30 to 45 who can act, has compassion and heart.  Also is clean cut.  Seriously I’m vegan but  guys who are to unkempt or shaggy don’t do it for me. But I need to pay the rent.  I need to be out from under my father.  Not have sick people in my world probably friends with Jeremy Gilbreathe or who knows- who want me looking like something I’m not.  I’ve not dated since March of2006 when I went out with the friend of Kelly Perine.  I kissed a guy at an AADA party and we became friends for a time, but that’s it.  I’m tired of how evil America has become to me. I was financially stable, alone, not involvEd but happy to be alone.  I had little infatuation with actors I admired and well probably will until  I met the actor I’m supposed to be with.  I’m a trained actress idiots, and more trained in acting then anything else.  I’ve not studied law since 2002 in any capacity and it bores me. The whole government shut downloads me sick.   Imnot an attorney anymore, lawyers are out for money, power, and greed. I’m not into gay men.  I just have some gay friends, who have been more respectful of me acting than straight peeps.  Grow up America.  I did.  I’d probably have love, a boy friend, a career in the entertainment field, if I had not been treated like I’m some kind of creep.  The guy that abused me onset is into nasty stuff and yet he gets to work.  I’m not interested in meeting a guy at a bar.  I need challenging work to pay the rent and that gives me hope I’ll be able to work to act and love every minute I’m alive again.  You will push me to suicide before making me the type who wants a job where I have to wear a suit.  I have an ulcer now.  My father hated his job with the government and used to take it out on me.  I was happy and going to be happy for the rest of my life. But a
Women are not allowed to work on sets if over a certain age and I believe it’s because the crew want girls they can lust over and its wrong.  I’m younger than Kate Blnchett and I can act.  I understand Shakespeare, and smart enough to play a doctor,and yet Imnot allowed to be respected or have a voice with my Union.  Everything I learned in law school is now a lie to me.  All of it.

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