This is a remake of a post I made in 2013. Please note that I do not list going to FLORIDA or MARYLAND. I do not want to be a teacher or work in government or have a career outside of the entertainment industry. These are not things I wanted to accomplish on the weekends and yet that never happened. I do not want to write a novel. You are not good people if you kill my dreams and goals because I will stop wanting to work to LIVE.

At the time I was lying to myself because I was not willing to let go of being Catholic, knowing that I would be a target of abuse. I also thought that what ever was wrong with me was going to fix itself somehow. I was sick and did not know but I kept thinking I would find an answer. My hair was falling out. I was underweight but I was still dreaming. I was mentally healthy for me and positive. This was before though I tried to file with the NLRB. I was not capable of filing anything on my own. I never wanted fighting. I also felt like people assumed because I had a degree in law, I was going to be okay. It was not until 2014 that I was told I had Hashimotis and a yeast allergy. I also started being trolled in 2014 by the same person or persons over and over.

I have never left things unfinished and I STILL WANT MY CERTIFICATE IN FILM MAKING AT SANTA MONICA COLLEGE.

I did get a certificate in Digital Media from Santa Monica college. I learned AVID and got to play with a RED in my Cinematography class. I got an A. I did read the complete works of Doyle. I am not meant to be a cinematographer. I think people project onto me, especially men, what they can do and just assume since I am smart I can do what they can. Kind of mixed signals all around.

I was planning on working in the industry, not getting a NORMAL job so I could what? somehow act on sets on the weekend? So I could go on vacation and work with great actors some how on my vacation. THANKS AMERICA FOR YOUR FUCKED UP AMERICAN DREAM of me having a pay check and vacation. I do not have anything to work for or accomplish. JUST MAKE MONEY is not a CAREER GOAL OR A REASON FOR ME TO KEEP LIVING.

• Ride a scooter from Los Angeles to San Francisco.
• Ride horses when I can. Volunteer with horses.
• Qi Gong learn. I am too weak to do martial arts. I wish I was stronger. I intend to keep doing Yoga and hiking instead.
• Act in a TV show on SYFY or a Star Trek show or movie.
• Finish my Stand Up 2 cancer video. Yes I still have not finished it. I need a stronger computer.
• Make “Ghost baby” into a movie of some kind. need a better computer.
• Finish my Cancer Script about an actress with Breast Cancer. (I have a small part in it).
• Finish my script idea about an artist and his lover.
• Finish my thriller about a haunted house.
• Work on my television show about cops and gangsters. (Writing myself a supporting role).
• Hike the Saint James Way- not sure if this is possible now.
• Hike to the water falls and there are a few of them in Los Angeles.
• Go see the Red Wood forests and hike there.
• Hike to the Observatory above first water in Sierra Madre.
• Music flying fish video. this one I may not do. Pointless.
• Make a poetry book- need a better computer to do the graphics.
• Recreate my Zazzle store and digital stores and clean them up. I kind of have been working on this. I want to find a place to sell my designs that uses organic / sustainable materials. I still need a WACOM.
• Artistic HOPE- still write for it and keep it as a blog and place about ART. Not an organization. Just me as a writer and maybe sell adds, but I will not sell adds to things like diamonds or real estate. It has to reflect sustainability not so much materialism. I woke up and with everything going on in America I decided that I can not keep it unpolitical.
• I kind of do not want to do IMPROV unless with a teacher who is more of an actor. I need to find a safe home. I may go back and study with David Rountree. Also I would like to be a part of the actor’s studio.
• I kind of think I was trying to say I wanted LOVE when I wrote about having one kid and a guy not a GOP NRA Republican. YES in 2013 I said I would not date a GOP Republican. It is not a question of having a guy in my life. It is having a friend and love. I am sick of men just looking for a girl to have kids with and not really seeing what LOVE is. I like smart men and men of a type I rarely find. I do not like men who do not care about the human condition.
• Write a VAMPIRE MOVIE and act in it.
• Play Sherlock Holmes in a movie or TV show.
• I finished the complete works of DOYLE. I want to read the COMPLETE works of Shakespeare.
• Visit elephants in the wild but I am not sure I can with my illness.
• I no longer care about COACHELLA or BURNING MAN.
• Maybe write a cook book but I now think that my diet has changed so much that I am no longer driven to do this.
• Go to 221B Baker street and the GLOBE in LONDON.
• I am OK with not going to EUROPE or CANADA. If that happens it happens. I just want to work as an actor and on projects with meaning.