First I wanted to start this by saying I worked on an art show in Venice right before I was diagnosed with Cancer in 2005.  I have a background in performing arts management and met a guy at a party that an actor friend had in the Hollywood Hills.  He was organizing this event called “Kolage.”  I helped him organize the program and well it went fairly well, except the man who ran it kind of disappeared after and never paid me.  It was in Venice in the area where they have their eco festivals now.  I met POETRI which was cool. He inspired me to consider performing or reading my poetry.  Funny thing is I remember Jeremy Gilbreathe texting me at the event and me texting him back to come down to the beach and check it out.  We were just friends.  Later I thought I saw a guy who looked like Jeremy walking the boardwalk with a very tall guy who looked a bit like Blake Shields.  I text-ed him to ask, but never got a response.

I am now kind of avoiding Venice.  this whole mess with the UNION and well everything has traumatized me.  I only need to make $18,000 to cover all my expenses except my school debts.  I don’t want to stress out and fight for jobs for money I don’t really want.  I wanted to be working toward a career in the entertainment industry and sorry- not in casting (because I really love to act to much and won’t give it up) and many MEN act and do other things. It makes me mad that I feel singled out for abuse.   Funny thing is the casting people see me as a woman who should be cast on a show like “Revenge.”  I am far from that.

Now for the even weirder.  I liked an actor’s work.  NO biggie- I am an actor.  I liked him for a pilot he did for a show in the UK.  Well then he gets cast in a show called “the Gates” and I ended up knowing a crew person.  Though we were not really talking that much and i kind of got upset with him and unfriended him for a bit because of it.  I think I wanted to like a show and its actors without dealing with what happened with Grey’s Anatomy and how they almost killed me.  And about what Disney did 8 months after my accident. I was working SO HARD to have a career I wanted. I was not interested in working in a theater atmosphere. I found what I loved.  I realize now though that there were people who wanted me to quit for their own selfish reasons without realizing that getting me work that makes money was never going to keep me healthy or well after the cancer.  I am not a jew or scientologist- but that is no reason to give up.

I think what makes me really mad is that I feel really violated by all of this.  I was violated and I got even more violated and it was and is not right.  I thought I had a friend.  He even wanted me to shoot a movie with him, actually he still seems to want me to be the lead in it.  It is this great horror film and well with the right leading guy it would rock.  I wake up every morning not being able to hear out of one ear, though by the evening it is better.  I also hurt my foot.  I love acting so much that making money is never going to make me happy after the time i spent on sets.  I can never be happy again and I think that this game someone played with me is really sick.  Making me HATE an actor is not going to make me quit acting.  I WILL NOT LIKEYOU OR DATE YOU Because guess what- I want a career. I want my soul mate and my soul mate would let me become the best person I can be- and that means ACTING to be the best actress and artist.  PERIOD.

First My friend knows the actor “Luke mably.”  We talked about him.  So guess what- well I am not going to tell you, but who ever played this sick game with me- you wasted your time.  I am a nice LADY who did not deserve this messed up game.  I am also tired of this crap.  Nice girl- me.  Not a dork.  Not a loser.  Not someone who sleeps around. I have never cheated in my life, though I have been cheated on.  I don’t do drugs. I am a poor person but that does not make me an evil person or bad.  I watch these shows that are all about people helping the poor and the helpless and well- I think it is sick that the actors who play those roles would destroy someone like me- my confidence and my dreams.

Second I would change my picture on my profile on Facebook and this profile with the name “Luke Mably” would pop up in my search engine.  I put up a picture of me with my face in makeup looking like I was beat up.  this profile would do that. I would put up a picture of the poster of my new film with a “gas mask” and this profile would have a gas mask.  I put up a picture of me with glasses as a kid and this profile did the same.  Now I don’t know what to think  but this same profile pops up on my friends account and after a time disappeared. I can’t remember if I tried to friend it or not. I kind of did not want to, though I know i looked at it.  This same profile now has pictures of Mably on the west side with a dog, though it dropped of my crew friend’s account and then blocked me.

Third- I stopped following Mably on twitter because of this and now I can see what he posts but don’t go to Venice unless invited or have an event or well I do on the Holidays and I am not breaking that tradition.  I can not follow him.  I really liked everything that was being posted on the Mably page.  Kind of nice to know that there were working actors into the same things I was into.  I moved to Cali to get away from people back in DC who wanted me to be like them instead of letting me really be me and well not really after anyone. I was going through crap and it gave me some fun.  Then he got cast on an ABC show called “Combat Hospital” and that is when things started to get a bit weird.  One of his big fans “Maria” even friended me, which surprised me.  We talked for a time.  I tried to explain I was just interested in acting with good people and not well Maria is very nice and I don’t want to hurt anyone or kill dreams.  I think she kind of got that.    However, this weird thing started happening with my TWITTER- her account would unfollow then pop up again as following me.  It freaked me out.  It kept happening.  Now i had over 500 followers at the time, but hers was the only one doing that.  I don’t like to obsess over anything.  I think it is my Gemini nature. I even have been thinking lately that if I did get financially stable and working, I would move somewhere else in Los Angeles then where I am now- but not tell anyone until I did- just so I could have a change and some peace for awhile.

By the way- I am a normal intelligent woman.  I wil not date men who are not into what i am into.  I don’t want to be bored when we talk. I don’t want to feel inferior or superior either.  Frankly I have had too many abusive men in my life- this means men who can’t deal with me being smart and feel the need to make me angry for some reason and they enjoy it.  I want peace. I want love. I want acting and need it.  I want poetry and walks on the beach and into the mountains. I want acting work.  If i had the money I wold have my own home studio so I could make my own movies and videos.

NOTE ALSO That someone with a “Johnny Lee Miller” account checked out my MYSPACe and someone with a mark zuckerberg account linked up with me on my mooface. I don’t use mooface anymore because of that.  the man who created it is on my linked in though and he helped me get mark zuckerberg off my account. I AM VEGAN and did not like that at the time he was giving interviews talking about how he likes to kill his food.

I almost forgot.  Right around Christmas a year ago, I had posted I wish I had died of the cancer as my status. I was upset with everything.  I go hit L to find my own page and up pops a picture of Luke Mably shooting himself in the head.  NOT FUNNY.  Hence why I got upset with ABC, and the whole mess again.  Seriously right after I posted that status.  I really did like Mably’s work, well except the “Prince and ME.”  I kind of know that there is no “Prince” for me.  When YOU have a father who emotionally is just not there for you- you kind of don’t expect men to really save you at all.  I like Pirates.  I am a lady who can curse like a sailor so well…

AND don’t anyone ask me to be your LOVER.  Seriously- I am here to work- not to be your TOY.  Like me-  Friend me.  If my cancer came back I would want people who are REALLY GOOD and REALLY BEAUTIFUL and would see me as a joy and not hurt me anymore.

SOMEONE HAS BEEN TRYING TO MAKE ME GO CRAZY and IT NEEDS TO STOP.  I hope someone can explain this and maybe stop it.