AFI has a festival of films in Los Angeles.  It is free.  Granted you have to wait in lines and pass holders and members get first dibs on tickets.  This year however when it came time for tickets I kept getting a message saying my membership status did not allow me tickets.  They are supposed to be free to everyone?

I keep thinking my Dad and Scientology and the Republicans are sending me a message, get a job and make money.  Well i wanted work on sets while trying to build an acting career. Others get to do that but Im a white girl with afather who has told me I am a problem, I am stupid, and who keeps trying to make me talk to my mother who was happy when i was tripped on a set.  She and my father had their dentist ruin my teeth.  My mother doesnt want me being Catholic, or having friends who do nt read the Protestant bible.  Well friends means we have things in common.  I have nothing to talk to with my parents and behavioral therapy isnt going to change that i loved acting and knowing my parents have no faith in me and want to force me into some government beaucratic job so i have things in common with them makes me want to hurt them not love them.  I am not property despite what my father says.  I was free when i was on set. The only way i will ever feel free again is if im allowed back with my union, not abused because Arne Starr an old man who was upset i got fitted for Star Trek before he did can lie and say i attack actors.  Id see Arne at the Academy and he would have this expression on his face like i had hurt his feelings, sad and pathetic, especially if i was talking to a male actor i knew.  I worked with Arne many times but i had been union eligible before i met him. I had been on sets for two years before i met him.  I was goig to script network events and studying acting with Cyb Barnstable and other teachers.  I had dated Jordan Marks and Joey Dolezal and was hanging out with Kelly Perine and going to Jeff Gunn events, none of which Arne or the background were privy too.   Too many people wanting fame and to climb up through someone else.  I liked privacy and i was terrified of my father and his need to make me co-dependent on him.
I do not like corporate men. I like guys who have an emotional availability and who would like to sing x gen songs at karaoke and want sustainability and are into brit indie music and acting.  I like men closer to my age.  Ive had the best years of my life taken by people here lying about me and treating me like i am a monster when i have been sick.  Id rater be dead than be Arne Starrs friend again.  The knife he stuck in my back is horrible.  I am crazy because i do not want to fight to live without the hope of ever achieving what i want to achieve.  Im an actor too.  And i am not going to work in law orthe courts. Id hate my boss.  Id hate the people i work for. I was training to work crew.

Someone attacking me on line has said im going to start thinking about hurting people.  Well id like to take a baseball bat to this persons computer though id be thinking about her skull.  I do not know this woman but this is why i hate linkedin. 

I hate the court system.  I hate they had the right to label e nuts for saying i am a lawyer and nuts for saying i was cast as an actor in Chemical 13. It is on itunes.  If i act crazy it is because I have hashimotis & adrenal fatigue.  I need a removal of stress, not bullies. I will not do theater.  I hate my Korean ex boyfriend Frank.  Leave me alone.  Cani please attract people into the arts who have nothing to do with the legal system. I think lawyers if they lack the respect and human decencyto get ifthey are not willing to help me get my legal rights back with sag aftra they will never get me to use my law degree.  This goes out to American University & Catholic Law.  I hate you both.  Jimmie Moye & Cabot Davis I will not work in law ever again.  My goal is to have passion in my life and love for life.  If i am never going to be allowed at CAP or AFI to protect Shondra Rimes rep when i heard the rumors of Dempsey’s cheating in 2006 and her crew was all white when i was there and listening to Cynthia Youngblood whose ex tried to cheat with me, hypocrits all of you.  It doesnt matter how much debt i have. If i cannot have the benefits and a future with AFI and at events when even my father says he knew i did nothing wrong, when i do kill myself because i do not want a future where i can not be an actor and have the rights all sag aftra members have, then i dont want to live knowing ive been labelled a violent atheist socialist and my thoughts alone are criminal in the US.  I have never attacked anyone physically.  Not since i slapped Mark Barbier in 1993.

I ended up seeing Hitchcock, Lady in a Van, Tale of Tales, and Youth.  I had a ticket to a shorts program but by the time Youth ended it was too late.  I decided to just walk home. 

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