I do not know who Cassandra Taylor is. I just know she wants me to know that she is the person who got me banned as LauraannTull on Twitter and I am certain she is after my artistichope account next. I love the arts and acting and being able to feel emotions. I grew up with parents who do not show love or affection like normal people, well normal to me was what I saw in family dramas on TV. My parents never asked me how I was doing or cared about my answer. I felt like I could not express my own identity without ridicule or abuse. At ten my father told me it was all my fault that he could not be a spy. He had to give up his dreams to have a family. But he made that choice. I was not even born yet when he made that decision. There have been so many emails with Cassandra that I am dividing them in half and half the the emails will me in this post and the others will be in a second post. This person is still emailing me as of this evening making me think they may me in Los Angeles even though the cell phone they use appears to be in THE UK.

Now I am being bullied relentlessly by the person who has apparently read my Instagram. They have read my blogs, and they apparently knew about MYSPACE. What is interesting about that is I rarely go on Myspace anymore. My blogs I used to write on there were lost. I wrote about my ex boyfriends and I know that Blake Shields Ambramovitz read my stuff. Cassandra specifically points to stuff i wrote about Blake on INstagram. THey also have said I have been talking about GILBREATHE molesting me for years. I am very sick. I had cancer. I probably have PTSD from the cancer and Gilbreathe Assaulting’s me. Someone reminding me and triggering me is not something i want to be blamed for. I should have the right to put boudaries up.

Cassandra calls me a NARCISSIST. I just want to be myself and do the things that make me happy. I like to dance. I like to create stories. I like making movies and videos. I like to write poetry. I like horses and hiking. She says for me to stop blaming others for everything. But I did not deserve to be taken off sets the way I was my some one who hated me so much they needed to erase my file at Central Casting. This woman trolling me in emails and going after my accounts is TOXIC. She says she does not know the people involved with my blacklisting but she also says she has been going around twitter trying to get rid of people who she sees as dangerous. My response is that if she is getting rid of people expressing depression or suicide, has she actually driven anyone to kill them selves by her actions?

I called RAINN and talked for a long time about this, and they told me it was weird that Twitter was handing this situation this way. I think someone is paying TWITTER to do this. JACK who is the CEO does VIPASAANA Retreats and so does BLAKE SHIELDS ABRAMOVITZ. I just wanted to find a safe place to sit and to get my feelings in check. I do not regret sitting at Against the Stream. Frankly it helped me, but I am glad i avoided certain teachers including Noah Levine. I have met Blake Shields teacher but never wanted to study with him. At the time I met him I had no idea he knew Blake. Life can be a series of weird coincidences. After all I as molested by a guy whose wife went to my college ten years after I graduated.

Carol Grant was the casting agent who hired both Gibreathe and myself to work on Carinvale. At least I assume Grant hired GIlbreathe. The extras casting agency is usually the agency that hires the stand ins for a show. She has recently said I am scary and that my friends should be terrified of me. I think that is nuts. She wants the people in my life to be scared of me and to cut me off from my community? I need to give you a time line so you can understand what a lie that is. I worked for Carol on sets from 2004 to 2006. 2007 to 2008 I do not recall her hiring me for anything. that was the period of time where I was tripped on a set and blacklisted from the industry. In 2011 Carol has become a friend on my facebook only for me to find Jeremy Gilbreathe and his friends in her connections. I get antagonistic and angry. We exchange emails and she admits now that she thought i was suicidal back then. I had lost my breasts to cancer. I was sexually assaulted, and I told her what Jeremy did in the emails in 2011. She gets mad at me and i at her for basically kicking each other off our respective facebook pages. In 2011 I was also getting into Buddhism and trying to handle the PTSD from everything. She actually tells me she will PRAY For me. Now I wonder if my going Buddhist was also offensive to her. She has move to Virginia. I decided to call her up I think in 2017 and as soon as I try to tell her in person on the phone that Gilbreathe molestedme, she starts screaming at me and calling me a psycho. She also called me JUST AN EXTRA. But no one is just an extra. Recently I tried calling her again and for someone who is terrified of me she talked with me on the phones a lot. She calls me a failure and says all of this is my fault. Now I have this woman taking me off twitter telling me it is all my fault. I thinks Cassandra is either someone who knows JEREMY GILBREATHE or has some kind of vested interest in making me give up working in the industry. I am never going to be happy if I do not have people who want me acting and working in the arts.

I just got sent an offer for a job as a teacher and I was not nice in my response to it. I am a failure and I do not pretend to be something I am not. I do not have failure syndrome where I think I am putting on airs. I am phi beta kappa and mensa but I have no desire or ability to survive in business or in life because where I thrive is in my imagination and creative endeavors. I have great ideas I have been told. But I have nothing to teach anyone. What am I going to teach how trusting some guy led to me being treated like I was violent when I was violated. That standing up to bullies has now been twisted around to make me look like the abuser. I can not succeed at things I do not even want to try to be good at. I do not want anything to do with the legal profession. I never really wanted to be hired as an actor on Grey’s Anatomy. Medical shows have rarely been my thing. I liked MASH as a kid but never was really into ER. IN fact I was busy in school when ER was the rage despite rumors that I was CLOONEY OBSESSED. I had an interest in freedom of the press and first amendment. Now I find it ironic that I am being silenced and destroyed and my community and connections are all being taken away. I do not understand how anyone thinks cutting me off from the people who like to talk to me is going to make me get a job. I want to be able to read a book and lose myself in the book again. I used to be an avid reader. I want to be in acting classes again and to be working as an actor.

I do not have kids of my own and I have no intention of taking care of someone else’s children so I can be reminded about how I was treated, as if I was not good enough to reproduce by the stuck up elite of Hollywood. Also I did not find the men I met worthy of reproducing with and I do not want to date men who i do not like. I do not like men who drive expensive cars or wear flashy suits. I do not like men who care about things when the world is in danger from climate change. I do not like men who eat meat. I am a vegan. The fast that people think I am after anyone is beyond insane to me. I was after being able to pay my bills and having fun and not being stressed out. I can not handle stress.

I want my twitter account back. I do not want to move on from acting. I never attacked anyone and I am sick of living in a dystopian country where we claim to be a democracy but are increasingly acting like an oligarchy. I had scripts I wanted to write but what is the point when it has already been decided I can not be an actor or anything in the entertainment industry. I am never going to be happy if acting is not a part of my life. I am never going to try to get work that I am not qualified to do. I do not want to quit trying to be an actor. I do not want to accept failure. I am never going to want a guy with a real job. I am never going to want a guy just because he is an actor. I am straight and I like straight men but I am also not against people being who they are. I am a fan of people who have the courage to be honest and themselves. I am tired of this CASSANDRA trying to control who I am.

Mental health is something I need. I do not need people who think that make me be a teacher or do what my parents want is mentally healthy for me when it is not. I was mentally healthy when my parents were out of my life and I was interning for Washington Area Lawyers for the Arts. I was mentally healthy when I was working on sets and being cast as an actress in 2012. I was sick but mentally healthy. Making me miserable and trying to manipulate me to work for money at work that I am not going to be good at is insane to me. I almost failed out of law school so I am not going to go back to working on law offices. I was doing well at Santa Monica College. I achieved a certificate in digital media and I wanted a cert in film production.

I test as being an INFP and someone trying to make me give up having feelings and having an imagination is going to push me to failure. On the east coast where I am from no one ever really fired me from a job, but I also got to decide for myself what jobs I wanted and who I worked for.

I was a nice girl who would not act the way i do in this emails with CASSANDRA but this has gone to far. I do not want to fight to survive. I can not change who I am. I can not change how I feel.

I even shared with CASSANDRA the emails I have about Gilbreathe from his friend Joe Arias and also emails for an event I went to at American University here in Los Angeles. Ironically I met the daughter of Tim DeKay at an alumni event and told her Jeremy Gilbreathe had tried to rape me.